| Johnathan Mason, JapaNerd Staff Writer |
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Bio:
Ugly, broke, arrogant, but so clever; the JapaNerd counts among his illesses a fascination with all things Asian as well as a disturbing tendency to refer to himself in the third person. Aside from the care and feeding of his weak and bloated ego, his hobbies include making bad jokes and obscure references and staring at various things such as screens, pages, women, and the sun. Is currently seeking gainful employment that would require both talents, preferably while sitting.
Heavy Rotation:
Anything but country.
Favorite Flick:
Pulp Fiction.
Celebrity Crush:
Milla Jovovich.
Junk Food of Choice:
Pizza. Forever and Ever, Amen.
Alternate Location on the Web:
www.livejournal.com/users/fuseji
Articles:
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Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 
JapaNerd Johnathan proclaims Stand Alone Complex best for round eyes. Err, or something like that.
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Is Live Action Hentai Porn? 
Yes to hot girls. No to penetratrion. Yes to phallic tentacles. What does it count as?
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Hellboy vs. Van Helsing 
Nazi fighting demons? Monster hunting Aussies? Movie bashing writers? Oh yeah, all that!
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Hellboy vs. Van Helsing
Nazi fighting demons? Monster hunting Aussies? Movie bashing writers? Oh yeah, all that!
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Requiem for a Screen: Battle Royale 2
A Japanese teen bloodbath sequel to the much better Japanese teen bloodbath flick Battle Royale.
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The Whole Bloody Affair: Kill Bill Vol. 2
The Bride is back and Bill's gonna be in trouble, hey laaaa hey laaaaaaa The Bride is back! Hey ya?
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Cruciforce: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
Back on track with Johnathan's never ending love affair with all things undead. But this time Canadian and not Japanese, ay?
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Ten Things I Hate about D.A.M.N.I.T.
JapaNerd Johnathan wonders what celebrity babes you straight chicks would sleep with if a gun was pointed at your head.
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Wiccan't: Witch Hunter Robin
Yadda yadda JapaNerd Johnathan yadda yadda review yadda yadda something Japanese yadda... ;)
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2003 Staff Picks
Find out what floats the boats of Newmoanyeah staffers from the not-so-distant 2003.
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Love and Noir: The Fall of Max Payne
A surpringly Japanese-brain-eating-zombie free review of Max Payne 2 from our pal JapaNerd Johnathan.
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Wild Zero DVD: Hungry Like The Wolf
Johnathan reviewing a Japanese zombie flick? Never! And if by "Never" we mean "Frequently," then yes.
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Kill Bill: Volume (w)One(derful)
Was there really any question about how much better than the Red Sox season this would be? Spoiler-free review ahead.
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Junk: Looks, Brains, and Everything
Johnathan is back with yet ANOTHER Japanese zombie flick review... almost as good as necrophilia!
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Interview with the Cosplayer: Alisa-chan
JapaNerd Johnathan had a chance to chat with cosplay goddess, Alisa-chan of www.alisachan.com.
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Keeping Your Endorsement Deals
A reader charged with sexual assault writes in for advice on how to keep his endorsement deals.
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More Sex Questions
Sex is natural, sex is good. Not everybody does it, but everybody should. C-c-c-c-come on!
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Game Over, D.A.M.N.I.T.
HULK SMASH PUNY Newmoanyeah staffers named Johnathan Mason! RRARRRGH!!!
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When Harry Met D.A.M.N.I.T.
Johnathan Mason is a clever man who is admittedly a Harry Potter virgin, damn it. Damn damn damn damn.
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What If: Baldwins vs. Sheens
I don't know about you, but I'd go see this tag-team bout live at Madison Square Garden!
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Batman and Wonder Woman Sittin' in a Tree...
In JLA #74, Batman and Wonder Woman share a kiss on the battlefield. A reader has conflicting emotions about this.
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On a Very Special D.A.M.N.I.T...
It's absolutely appalling that there are people too ignorant to be embarassed about demanding a segregated prom.
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Christa Shermot: Spirit Of Free Comic Book Day
Sir Johnathan on a Percival-like quest seeks the true meaning of Free Comic Book Day.
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The French Connection: Wasabi
Luc Besson and Jean Reno is a blend as good as tuna fish and pickles. (Editor Steve LOVES tuna and pickles!)
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House of 1,000 Corpses a Good Date Flick?
My my my. What troubled readers have we. Furthermore, what a high percentage of virgins!
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The Unborn Debut: Tips for Our Fetal Readers
Never let it be said that Manolo and Johnathan are two of the less imaginative Newmoanyeah-ers.
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Hero: Saves the Day
So sad, so sad. Editor Steve LOVED Hero in all its color coded artsiness. Johnathan on the other hand...
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Stripping for College
Is working as a stripper an acceptable way to pay for your college education? Well, it doesn't bother us...
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Mecha Nix: RahXephon
Let's see... cartoon. Japanese cartoon. Japanese cartoon with robots. Has this been done before?
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Teeming with Souls: The Boondock Saints
I'd just like to point out Johnathan's clever Star Wars-related play on words: Brogue Squadron. Thank you.
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Waterworld and K. Costner
"Was Waterworld bad for my career?" may not be as much of a rhetorical question as you think.
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Post-Apocalypse Now, D.A.M.N.I.T.
Any prospect of the world ending up like Waterworld or The Postman should dissuade all war-like tendencies.
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Losing Your Virginity
Wondering when you should "give it up"? Devirginization. As always, advice is for entertainment purposes only.
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Grin Fandango: Chapelle's Show
I forgot that Dave Chapelle was in You've Got Mail... not that I've ever seen it!
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Living Dead Girl: Stacy
Heh heh heh... Johnathan and his Japanese zombie flicks. Mmm... brains.
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Undead Reckoning: Versus
Evil Dead meets John Woo meets The Matrix meets George Romero meets a review by Johnathan.
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LotR: Two Towers Stupidity
For the last time, The Two Towers has absolutely NOTHING to do with September 11th. Damn.
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Man vs. Spam
Johnathan's the next victim of our "Sadistic Assigned Reviews" series. Can he possibly survive Spam?
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Worst of 2002
Last week, you got the staff's "Best of 2002" picks. This week, find out what we thought sucked.
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2002 Staff Picks
The newmoanyeah staff picks their favorite albums, movies, and random things from 2002.
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Splatterpunk: Story of Ricky
You've probably seen the exploding head clip on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
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Nice Gash!: The Princess Blade
Hmm... hot Asian babes with swords and nifty choreography by Donnie Yen. Does Johnathan like? You may be surprised!
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The Dandy Highwayman: BMWfilms.com
Mmmm... REALLY long car commercials that are much more entertaining than they should be. Eleventeen thumbs up.
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Sex with Your Opposite-Sex Clone
Oy vey. When I agreed to assign this question, I had no idea how... disturbing this would get. YEESH.
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Bad Plumbing, Not the Human Kind
A leaky faucet ails one of our readers. Four (remotely) skilled staffers to the rescue! Nyuck nyuck nyuck.
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God-d.a.m.n. Kids!
If Veruca Salt had a love child with Short Round, would said love child be a successful or annoying movie kid?
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Fellowship of the Toons: Bone
Bugs Bunny meets Lord of the Rings. Bugs Bunny meets Lord of the Rings. Bugs Bunny meets Lord of the Rings.
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Automatic Weapons & Boundless Love: Battle Royale
Read this lengthy, but worthwhile review of the Survivor-meets-Lord of the Flies, Battle Royale.
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Stretch... OW!!!
Stretching seemed like SUCH a good idea at the time, didn't it? Now to us you come, pleading for wisdom.
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mmmB.o.P: Birds of Prey
Johnathan strays from his usual fetish to cover a TV show about three hot girls claiming to have some association with Batman.
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Inhabitant of Infinity: Blade of the Immortal
The JapaNerd Staffer has a great fetish. This week, it leads us to one cool, bloody-ass comic.
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D.a.m.n. You, Pikachu!
I choose you, JapaNerd! It's time to du-du-du-duel! A digi-rant on all those battling card monster thingies.
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M. Night Shyamalan Film Construction Kit
You, too, can produce blockbuster movie hits in the M. Night Shyamalan vein.
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Kung Foo: A Look at Shaolin Soccer
The JapaNerd reviews this Cool Runnings meets The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon kung fu comedy.
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It's Revolution, Baby: Steampunk
Genre-blending comic saves man's life. Well, sorta. Well, not really at all... just read the review.
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