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Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars: Episode III Rocks
by Stephen Lin, Editor in Chief
May 19, 2005 + Boston, MA

SPOILERS Galore!
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the SithDo not read this if you're staying spoiler free. Seriously, you'll be sorry you did.

  1. Jar Jar doesn't open his freaking pie hole!
    Dear God! It's like George Lucas actually listened to us and reduced Jar Jar's role to LESS than that of the "Gop Gop" droid on the Jawa sandcrawler from A New Hope. Brilliant.

  2. Wookiees instead of Ewoks.
    The fact that Chewbacca has a couple cameo appearances is insignificant compared TO THE POWER OF THE FOR... err, I mean, compared to the fact that we finally got see a gaggle of angry wookiees instead of cutsey yub-yubbing ewoks. (Stay tuned for the soon to be developed Kashyyyk Department of Tourism website.)

  3. Hayden Christensen took acting lessons.
    Okay, I don't know if that's actually true, but I'd bet the moisture farm on a bad hand of sabacc if he didn't.

  4. Dismemberment, like, lots of it.
    There were more limbs severed in Revenge of the Sith than if a bunch of wookiees lost at Dejarik (better known as "that holochess game on the Falcon") to a bunch of lepers. Ennh... that was terrible. In any event, the lightsaber action in this movie makes Episode I Darth Maul footage look like the Star Wars kid!

  5. Return of the Cinnamon Bun Hair!
    Boo ya! Natalie Portman gets to rock Princess Leia's killer do from A New Hope.

  6. Master Quinlan Vos gets mentioned
    The super geeky of us who may have read the pre-Episode III novel Labyrinth of Evil or some of the Dark Horse Star Wars Republic series will recognize the name. (Random trivia, the character design for Vos was lifted from a random bar patron from Episode II.)

  7. Artoo has EXPLOSIVE diarrhea.
    Trust me it's great. Our favorite little astromech droid gets to @#$% up some separatist super battle droids.

  8. The beauty of Alderaan...
    ... before Grand Moff Tarkin (who happens to have a cameo appearance) blows the crap out of it with the Death Star in Episode IV.

  9. Not for Padawans.
    This movie is pretty darn dark and violent. Especially for Star Wars. It's like Revenge of the Sith is from a completely different (and much better) trilogy than Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones.

  10. Natalie Portman in futuristic stirrups.
    Uh, actually... the birth of Luke and Leia ain't all that sexy.

While it's bitter-sweet that the circle is now complete, we still have things to look forward to like the much rumored live-action Star Wars television series that will theoretically bridge the gap between the trilogies. Or potentially even better, the new post-New Jedi Order series of books (that will prominently feature an OLD Boba Fett) looks very promising. Oh, and there's also the prospect of seeing Revenge of the Sith about six more times before the month ends...

Who would you most like to see as the lead in Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman movie?
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Eliza Dushku
Sandra Bullock
Aria Giovanni
Summer Glau
Eva Longoria
Evangeline Lilly
Lynda Carter
 
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Newmoanyeah.com is run by Stephen Lin, dotcom crash survivor, pop-culture connoisseur, and self-admitted geek with a penchant for kung fu and computers. The unofficial mission statement of Newmoanyeah is to make geekiness hip and to entertain geeks of all natures with humorous features, reviews, advice columns, plugs, and polls. To accomplish this goal, Stephen sought out friends, friends of friends, Web acquaintences, and former co-workers and assembled an all-star roster of writers with interests in music, movies, television, games, comic books, fashion, relationships, food, the completely random, and last, but certainly not least, sex. Check out our site map if you need help. Feel free to contact us with any questions. Aspiring writers please read our employment page. The Web site is designed and maintained by Boston's Silinx Studios, also run by Stephen Lin.
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