First off, thanks for the compliment, NostalgicBabe. We do what we can to make the funny happen.

Which leads me to my next point that sometimes all it takes to make funny is posting an advice form on the web. I'd bet a bucket of original recipe KFC that the larger half of all questions sent are serious. Furthermore, I'd guess that most advice requesters are horny, foreign, border-line legal age of consent youngsters who don't bother to read disclaimers or warnings and are unsure if anal sex can get them pregnant.

The fact that 95% of all questions we get are sex-related is kind of annoying. And the fact that 99% of all advice requests have little to no sense of grammar, punctuation, or spelling is just plain aggravating. So normal questions like yours are refreshing.

Look at the people who write in to us. Look at the way they spell. Do you think that anyone who writes that furiously, that desperately; in a tangled tornado of errors that would shortcircuit a spellchecker -- do you think anyone with such a tenuous grasp of the English language could afford to make light of our divine wisdom?

Can you?

Like everything I say and write, I'm half kidding and half serious. Actually sometimes it's more like 70/30. Or 20/80. Once it was even 68.2/31.8. But in the end, regardless of how serious I take this, the only thing that really matters in writing advice columns is that deep down inside the writer cares. And I don't. Not at all. I only do this because Steve has naked pictures of me with Tevin Campbell and a monkey and a Lambchop puppet placed strategically where my penis used to be.

Everyone comes to the answer man! Do people expect honest advice from us? I don't know, but I always do what I can. However, one has only to look at me to realize that I should be just be tolerated and ignored, like a Skittle on the floor that you didn't drop and aren't going to pick up.

Most good things in my life can either be attributed to luck, more to do with karma than knowledge or talent. People probably just listen to me in hopes that I'll either soak up all their complaining like an emotional paper towel, or lighten their spirits by pointing out the humor in how pathetic the situation is. Then again, most of my jokes are funny because they're true, so there's always the possibility that some glimmer of useful advice could be found. Or you could just be mocked in full view of everyone with an internet connection. Meh. Caveat Emptor!

[Be sure to check out Jason's kick ass web comic at www.Troys-Bucket.com! - Ed.]