The Loudest Panties on Earth
Several years ago, I read an article or a snippet in Cosmo... or some other insipid, fashion rag about remote control vibrators. And, about how it's fun for some couples - in a public place - for the girl to where the remote control vibrator and give the controller to the boyfriend, spouse, significant other, etc. The whole control factor is supposed to be a turn-on, especially for men. Ever since I read this piece, I thought this sounded like a fun idea. Just recently, I finally had the guts and the opportunity to buy one and a guy open enough to try it with.

Strap-On's and Not Doing Your Research...
Whatever fashion rag I read this article in obviously didn't do too much research into this activity. First of all, I couldn't find any strap-on or inserted (for lack of a euphemism) vibrators that had a wireless remote control, and I was looking at Hustler. If the Hustler store doesn't have it, then no store that a middle-class, relatively mainstream girl would dare go into, has it. All the strap-on vibrators, the small ones that could be worn discreetly under clothes at Hustler, had at least three foot cords attached to the remote control. What kind of remote control has a cord? Isn't cordless the whole definition of a remote?

Anyway... I asked the sales girl for help. We eventually found one without a cord. Voila. Brought it home. Tested it out. There was no remote in the box. That particular strap-on vibrator happened to be cordless because IT DIDN'T HAVE A REMOTE! Back to square one.

Your Crotch on a Leash...
Eighty dollars later, from having to buy TWO vibrators, I came (no pun intended) home with vibrating panties. I had been trying to avoid the panty kind because I had heard bad reviews of them before - that they didn't quite hit the right spot. Apparently, despite the fashion rag's ingenious idea, they don't really make strap-on vibrators without a cord - only panties. So, unless you want to have your crotch on a leash, which may be very difficult in public, vibrating panties is the only option.

Regardless of the bad reviews, I was determined to try this idea out. I tested out the vibrating panties at home. I had no problem with it hitting the right spot. That was a plus. Unfortunately, it was loud as hell. The vibrator part, despite being one quarter the size, was four times louder than my run-of-mill vibrator that I keep under my bed. I actually was afraid my roommate might hear.

The fashion rag had recommended trying this adventure out with your significant other at a party. Where he could be across the room turning you on and knowing it, while you talk to your friends on the other side of the room. Great idea, if you want your friends to ask all night why you or your girlfriend seems to be off-and-on repeatedly buzzing like a jig-saw.

No Turning Back
Nonetheless, I was not to be deterred. A dance club, I thought, that would be perfect. I club definitely would be loud enough to cover the noise. No one would know I was buzzing. (Pun intended this time.) I surprised my boyfriend with the remote one night before leaving for a dance club. It took him a minute to figure out what it was. Of course, I totally forgot bouncers have a habit of frisking you, at least in L.A., before entering a club. One embarrassed moment of explaining to the bouncer that 'No, that remote wasn't to blow up the building' later, and we were in the club.

To make a long story short (I know; too late), the dance club was lousy and the vibrating panties did not make it that much more exciting. They were sort of fun. My boyfriend didn't get as big a kick out of it as I suppose I did. He definitely didn't get as big a kick out of it as the fashion rag led me to believe. Perhaps, another, different type of guy would like it better.

Getting to the point: I need to stop reading fashion magazines. And if you try this out, make sure you're in a loud place.