Ok, so I'm sitting here at work with my brand new laptop (woohoo!), emailing with friends, because we've had a whole ONE customer - count 'em again ONE - come into my store today... (C'mon, like everybody doesn't do it anyway!) ...When my friend emails me that she and her boyfriend broke up because she didn't have "it" for him. Which was a little upsetting for her because apparently he did have "it" for her. Now, I can't help but ask myself, "What the hell is 'it'?"

"It's" a Euphemism, Jackass
I've been given this excuse before. I may have even used this excuse before. Perhaps, that's all "it" is - an excuse. Perhaps, it's just a nice way of saying, "Hey, I thought you were cute and you were fun to hang with for a while, but I realized after getting to know you that: A. I really don't like you. B. We have nothing in common. C. I think you're boring. D. You're crazy... Etc." When shamefully using this excuse, for me the reasoning is usually A or C, sometimes D. But for those of you whom have used this phrase and not meant it as simply a nice euphemism, I address the following.

The "it" you speak of always leaves the other person wondering what "it" is, how he or she can change to have "it", and not get rejected after all. Asking you what "it" is leads nowhere. You give vague, nebulous answers, like, "I don't know what my 'it' is. I can't describe it. It's a quality one can't quite put a finger on. I just know 'it' when I find 'it'."

Or my favorite response to the question, "What the hell is 'it'?" "It's a certain je ne sais quoi." Great! A most eloquent answer. All you said was you don't know what "it" is either, but this time in French!

Like Looking for a Black Cat in a Dark Room
I really hate the I'll-know-it-when-I-find-it-idea, too. Since you don't know what "it" is, chances are you'll pass right by "it" or simply lose "it" before you even knew you had "it." How can you look for something when you don't know what it is you're looking for? How can you ever possibly recognize "it", when you don't even know what "it" is. Ever watch last-minute gift buyers run around the mall on Christmas Eve desperately searching for that perfect gift? You know the ones. They run around like chickens with their heads cut off. They have no idea what to buy, but think they'll just "know" the perfect gift when they see it. As if the perfect gift will just jump off the shelves into their waiting hands, shouting, "Here, I am. I'm the perfect gift!" Sound familiar?

That leads me to my theory about you it-seekers. You don't know what "it" is because you have no idea what you're looking for. You have no idea what you're looking for in an another person and you have no idea what you're looking for in a relationship. And, until you bother to actually think and decide what some of those qualities are, you'll be forever running around the mall on Christmas Eve waiting for that perfect gift [read as relationship] to just jump off the shelves into your waiting hands. "It's" never going to happen.