Well, damn if I didn't stumble across THE incredible Hulk's blog while surfing the web! And damn if it wouldn't have made me squirt milk out my nose had I been drinking milk! Go here, read, and laugh yourself into a hernia. But, before or after you do that, please read this very pleasant interview that the Hulk was gracious enough to grant to Newmoanyeah. [Hulk is a very talented and misunderstood individual who happens to have a very clever and comic-knowledgeable friend named Kevin. Newmoanyeah takes no responsibility for the things apparently spoken by "The Hulk" in this article.]
| NMY |
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You, Yoda, and George W. Bush all speak with distinct non-traditional grammar patterns. What do you attribute this to? |
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| Hulk |
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Hulk thinks puny humans made language hard to confuse Hulk! Hulk speaks like Hulk does to get point across. Yoda speaks like Yoda does because he has a man's hand in his BUTT. Some puny humans say the same thing about W-man. |
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| NMY |
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At one point in your life you were gray and now you're a pleasant shade of green. What insight, if any, does this give you to the inner workings of Michael Jackson's mind? |
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| Hulk |
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Hulk tell you story. One time Hulk was held captive by STUPID PUNY ALIENS and they probed Hulk's mind. For hours, Hulk had worst nightmare EVER!
Hulk was seven-year-old green boy and stuck at MICHAEL JACKSON'S BIG RANCH.
Hulk was little, so Hulk couldn't smash his way out. You have just reminded Hulk of this story and Hulk broke keyboard because of rage. Hulk now sad. |
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| NMY |
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Newmoanyeah.com recently asked its readers who they thought had the worst anger management problem between you, Mike Tyson, Axl Rose, Hannibal Lecter, and Darth Vader. Though Mike Tyson won in a landslide (43% of votes), you came in second (29%). Do you feel vindicated that you aren't perceived to have the worst temper or do you feel cheated that you didn't place first? |
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| Hulk |
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Hulk doesn't have temper. Humans just seem to take too long to decide it's SMASH O'CLOCK. |
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| NMY |
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How do you feel about your cousin She Hulk's promiscuous behavior? |
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| Hulk |
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YOU SHUT UP ABOUT COUSIN JENNIFER. HULK DOT YOUR T'S AND CROSS YOUR I'S IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. |
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| NMY |
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What do guacamole, emeralds, four leaf clovers, and the Hulk have in common? |
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| Hulk |
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Uh. Hulk knows this one. This like joke about rabbi, monkey, and Diana Ross that Hawkeye told... |
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| NMY |
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You've fought Wolverine on several occasions. Why can't the two of you just get some cookie dough ice cream together and be friends? |
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| Hulk |
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YOU EVER SMELL WOLVERINE? He may be best there is at what he does, but Hulk thinks what he does is roll around in sweaty monkey fur. |
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| NMY |
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Which do you prefer: Star Trek or Star Wars and why? |
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| Hulk |
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STAR TREK. SPOCK HAS GREEN BLOOD. |
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| NMY |
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The Hilton sisters or the Olsen twins and why? |
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| Hulk |
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Hulk need to pick up stupid tower in puny human town of Paris to have pole long enough to touch either of them. |
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| NMY |
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Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night, covered in cold green sweat, concerned that you'll lose your fame and end up as a has-been on the next season of The Surreal Life? |
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| Hulk |
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No. Hulk usually awake in middle of night. Mario isn't going to rescue the princess by himself! |
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| NMY |
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You strike me as one of history's most misunderstood (and fashionably under-rated) icons. What would you like to clarify to the world about yourself? |
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| Hulk |
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Hulk would like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Hulk would like the world to buy him fruit pies and snack cakes to keep him company. That's the song Hulk sings. |
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And it definitely ain't easy running your own blog when your IQ barely allows you to formulate intelligible sentences and when one gamma-irradiated keystroke is enough to turn your entire desk into splinters. (I won't even mention the fact that running a blog is pretty much impossible when you're a fictional character. Oops.. just mentioned it.)
