Too much free time...

If PG-13 movies are no good, then we suppose Jenna Jameson's The Masseuse is totally of the question.

[I'm really glad Tim has too much free time on his hands. It frequently results in some funny crap. Now, it's appropriate that I mention "crap" in this instance as DJ Timid's latest attack of too-much-free-time involves his stumbling across a religious message board and a post comparing a little bit of dog poop in brownies to a little bit of taking-the-lord's-name-in-vain in PG-13 movies. That didn't make any sense to you? Me neither. But go read this thread (and guess which post is Monsieur Timid's) and you'll understand the humor: http://boards.heartlight.org/ubb/Forum16/HTML/000082.html. For those too lazy to click through, I'll reprint the Steve's Notes version below. - Editor Steve]

2busymom posted:
[I don't know the author of this piece, but it is a great illustration. In case the filter asterisks it, the offending word would rhyme with "scoop".] Dad's Special Brownies

Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.

One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular PG-13 movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great.

It was only rated PG-13 because of the suggestion of sex--they never really showed it. The language was pretty good--the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie.

The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff.

It wasn't too bad. And, even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed.

However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the PG-13 rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he'd taken the family's favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was.

The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop. However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with their father's promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it.

Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are deceiving us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.

Now, when this father's children want to see something that is of questionable material, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special dog poop brownies. That closes the subject.

godlover316 posted:
Kudos and thank you for the excellent post! I think that it is wonderful that this proverbial father is taking his responsiblities as the guardian of his and the lord's children so seriously! If only the so called "experts" in "Hollywood" would be so responsible. Shame on them! It is our duty as Christians to get the dog poop out of our society. For too long people have been able to go to PUBLIC theatres and view so called movies that contain numerous elements that merely perpetuate the stereotype that humans like sex and drugs and violence. The only way we will eliminate these elements from our society is to push them to the back and ignore them until they go away! Once "Hollywood" realizes that their "shock value" tactics will not work on us, they will surely start giving the public what they want, what they demand and that is movies with a heart and spirit and soul that lifts us above having to deal with the drug afflicted, sex stained streets of "Hollywood's" version of our world.

Why are there no movies about charity work or missionaries in my movie theatre? Why is there only the violence of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings movies, the drug use of "Academy Award Winning Films" like Traffic, and the depraved sexual acts depicted graphicly in a film like Titanic? These days I can hardly go to a movie without a feeling of outrage by the end of the opening credits!

Who saw "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton," the "blockbuster" film from earlier this year wear a good Christian girl "won" a date with a famous celebrity who engaged in drinking parties and "sex" with women for whom he did not share an eternal bond? I was disgusted! I remember a day when a date was not something to be "won," a time when the heart of a young lady was "won" in a different way -- with prayer and devout dedication. That time was not too long ago. We can bring it back!

Though I agree with this "brownie" example, I MUST recommend one change. A fellow Christian of mine whose words I hold in my deepest regard, told me that there are some people in this world who use the term "special brownies" to mean something else entirely. These people actually deface the innocent and non-offensive treat of brownies with the contents of marijuanna cigarettes and other narcotics. I'm told that when ingested, these "special brownies" produce a horrifying effect that is similar to attending a "grateful dead" concert.

I for one do not like the idea of using that analogy and suggest a change. Since we are only as good as the language that we use, I suggest that whenever you retell this story, please do not use the term "special brownies," and instead substitute the term "surprise brownies." I think that will clear up any confusion. I would not want anyone to think that this father is trying to serve his children marijunna cigarettes, when he is merely presenting them with brownie full of dog poop!

We'll defend ourselves and our children and show everyone why our bible films are now and always will be, "The Greatest Stories Ever Told!"

Sorry if I'm preaching to the choir, but I have a fire in my belly and the angels on my side!

Thank you,

An Optimistic Christian Who Won't Eat the Dog Poop Either!