Newmoanyeah.com: Hip, geeky pop-culture.
MAIN     FEATURES     REVIEWS     ADVICE     PLUGS   |   SHOP     SUBSCRIBE  

Is Live Action Hentai Porn?
as answered by Johnathan Mason, Jason Beane, Charlie, & Janet Choi
June 21, 2004

Live Action La Blue Girl DVD[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]

Dear Newmoanyeah:

Does live action Hentai count as watching porn?

Thanks,
Legendary Underfiend





JapaNerd Staff Writer Johnathan Mason Jason Beane of Troy's Bucket
From the dull, poorly plotted solar system of American stroke films, Hentai is a terrible coldly burning star light years away, its planets populated by girls and tentacles. Does it count as watching porn? That's the double word score of pornography! I certainly hope you didn't think you were going to avoid going to hell for touching yourself, because now you've essentially booked yourself on the red palm flight.

Ahh... everybody comes to the AnswerMan! Wow, that sounds like a dirty version of one of those great unanswerable questions, like "What is the sound of one hand fapping?" Wait, never mind, you don't need to tell me. I can already hear the sound of my pride falling in the woods. To find the answer to this question, let's try to equate this to a situation where everyone keeps their clothes on, but it's still embarrassing to tell people that you have it on DVD. Can the live-action He-Man movie Masters of the Universe REALLY be called a movie? If so, then live-action hentai should be considered porn.

Well, first off, it DID have Courtney Cox in it, so right off the bat it gets a check mark in the box next to "Real Movie." BUT it was directed by a guy (Gary Goddard) who is best known for writing "Star Trek the Experience: The Klingon Encounter" and T2 3-D. While that may earn him Bonus Wizard Style Points in my book, it puts a big check in the "NOT Real" box.

Then there's the carnal violation of my childhood, much in the same way as the horrific live action Street Fighter movie. You know what? This game sucks, in a very non-porno way. So that's the way I'm calling it. So push your shame aside True Believer! Come out from behind that life-size Asuka cut out! I'm ruling this one as a "Parody Movie" so you can still show your face at your local anime club meeting (see you there next Thursday).

[Beaner is one of the talented nice-guys behind the schweet web comic, Troy's Bucket.]

Charlie of Richmond's Y101 Sweet and Sour Editor Janet Choi
Live-action hentai is similar to watching, say, skine-max on a Friday night. Enough to get the job done, but not enough to cause a divorce.

[Charlie is the hairless DJ supreme of Richmond's Y101 who can also be found on the web at CharlieOnTheRadio.net.]

I'm Asian-American and have no clue what you're talking about. I had to do some research since "hentai" is Japanese to me. "Hentai" is a Japanese word used outside of Japan to refer to anime, manga, and computer games with explicit sexual or pornographic artwork. It's animated porn. So, if you take animated porn and make it live action, would it not then become real life porn? Yes, you perve.

Who would you most like to see as the lead in Joss Whedon's Wonder Woman movie?
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Eliza Dushku
Sandra Bullock
Aria Giovanni
Summer Glau
Eva Longoria
Evangeline Lilly
Lynda Carter
 
Friends of Newmoanyeah:
www.x-entertainment.com
www.site73.com
www.slbs.net
www.pokerindustries.com
www.poorlydrawnanimals.com
www.chapter11studios.com

Get the FREE Newmoanyeah newsletter!
 

Newmoanyeah.com is run by Stephen Lin, dotcom crash survivor, pop-culture connoisseur, and self-admitted geek with a penchant for kung fu and computers. The unofficial mission statement of Newmoanyeah is to make geekiness hip and to entertain geeks of all natures with humorous features, reviews, advice columns, plugs, and polls. To accomplish this goal, Stephen sought out friends, friends of friends, Web acquaintences, and former co-workers and assembled an all-star roster of writers with interests in music, movies, television, games, comic books, fashion, relationships, food, the completely random, and last, but certainly not least, sex. Check out our site map if you need help. Feel free to contact us with any questions. Aspiring writers please read our employment page. The Web site is designed and maintained by Boston's Silinx Studios, also run by Stephen Lin.
Search Newmoanyeah   Search Google   Search Amazon   Search eBay   
Google
Buy geek and gamer themed T-Shirts and Hats @ SplitReason.com!