[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]

Dear Newmoanyeah:

I just had a three way with my boyfriend (of 9 mths) and my best friend. They had never met before due to her being incarecerated. I was ok with everything at first. After I am having constant thoughts of insecurity. She & I had been together before. But, when I actually seen my best friend sitting on my boyfriend's face, and the way he was kissing her it infuriates me. This just happened two days ago. Should I just let it go? Or should I reconsider the relationship. I do love him but I get a nauseated feeling and keep visualizing him & her together. Please Help!

Thanx,
Oops, I did it once

Groovalicious Editor Lisa Turner	Curious Staff Writer Joel Why
At first glance it would seem this question has to do with sex. Really though, the lesson here is that Hollywood lies about everything, and thusly ruins our lives. If you believed everything Hollywood has tried to convince you of, you would think high school is a wacky place where people may not seem to get along, but if you just make a big enough speech (a la Can't Buy Me Love) then everyone will wind up loving each other. You might also believe that pixie dust can make you fly and that all archaeology professors have secret lives full of adventure and lost arcs and crusades. This time though, Hollywood made you believe that a threesome with your best friend would just be a rollicking good time with no possible consequences. Look at Threesome. Wasn't that the most fun you ever had with a Baldwin on screen? And Wild Things, grrrrrr! Who wouldn't want to have a little fun with Neve Campbell and whoever the other chick was? Of course, a few people in that movie wound up dead, so I suppose there were consequences after all. Hollywood did try to warn you. That just blows a big hole in this whole theory. I guess all there is to do now is dump your boyfriend, get some counseling, and watch less TV.	You do realize that your boyfriend probably had other people sitting on his face before you met him, right? So, now you're just pissed that you had to witness it first-hand? In fact, not only witness it, but be a willing participant in this face-sitting experience. Well, I think the only way you'll be able to get the image of her sitting on his face out of your head is to have her sit on your face. Yes, that's right. Go out right now and have her sit on your face for a while. And take lots of pictures and send them to Joel@newmoanyeah.com. And then I'll be able to properly decide how you should proceed. Oh wait, you're not fat are you? Because if you are, that changes everything. Fatties, uh, well, they're better suited for a monogamous, long-term relationship, so you should stick with the boyfriend, and stop hanging out with ex-cons.
Smoof Like Butta(fly) Staff Writer Lori Shea	Posthumorous Staff Writer Justin Montanino
Samantha from Sex & The City had the right idea about this sort of thing... It's one thing to be the guest star on the show featuring two regulars, but it's quite another to be a couple of regulars and invite a guest star into the mix. The guest star gets to have fun and then walk away while you get stuck with all the jealousy, the regret, and the nausea. If you invited the guest star to the show, you can't exactly expect your co-star to not get all excited and play along. So, please, just stop inviting guests into the bedroom now that you know you can't handle it (and understandably so) and I'm not even gonna ask what your friend was incarcerated for (as curious as I am) - though I am wondering about the conjugal visits!	I guess we all know who was taking notes during "Learn To Share" day in kindergarten. While you can't blame anyone for the consensual act, you should at least expect a token of thanks from each of them, maybe in the form of a homemade shiv from your friend, or a sweet case of the clap from your man. Other than that, I feel your insecurity over introducing three-way sex with criminals into an otherwise monogamous relationship may be preventing you from cherishing the bond you share with your boyfriend. If you don't deal with this issue soon you may end up with a life full of nothing but missionary positions and Blockbuster nights.