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Dear Newmoanyeah,

Do you think that the Superman character (Clark Kent played by Tom Welling) on Smallville is gay? I know he says he needs to stay away from Lana, to protect her, but she is way to hot to resist... even for Superman! Don\'t you remember those teenage years? If there was a girl like her, (Kristin Kreuk) falling all over me... I would be SOOO HAPPY! That leads me to believe he's gay or the person writing for his character is gay.

Any thoughts on this?

Thanks,
Dave M.

Charlie of Richmond's Y101	Jaded Widwestern Staff Writer Ben "Mouse" McShane
Having never seen Smallville (no WB affiliate here), I'm not really sure who you're talking about. You have, however, answered a question that has been ping-ponging around my swollen head for a couple of months: "Who the hell is Kristin Kreuk?". I've seen her in some cosmetics ad and every time, turn to the wife and say "Why would I buy cosmetics on that chick's endorsement? I don't even know who she is!" Thank you, Dave. The next time that I see Miss Kreuk on teevee, I can triumphantly turn to the wife and say "Kristen Kreuk! Star of the WB's Smallville!". Then she'll give me that look again. You know the one: "You've lost your mind." [Charlie is the hairless DJ supreme of Richmond's Y101 who can also be found on the web at CharlieOnTheRadio.net.]	Man, I see right through that "Kristin Kreuk is hot" shtick. Sorry dude, Superman is not going to sleep with you. (Only pre-Crisis Supes has homosexual tendencies.) Besides, his Kryptonian sperm would decimate your intestinal tract.
Sweet and Sour Editor Janet Choi	Bathroom Obsessed Staff Writer Joshuas Hale Fialkov
Superman wears tights as an adult, does he not? His sexual orientation seems obvious to me.	Gay? No. He merely suffers from "If they make it we have no show" syndrome. Often felt in dramas and sitcoms a like, this rare personality trait is directly proportionate to the producer's lack of creativity and desire for money, as seen in Smallville, Who's the Boss, The Nanny, and Moonlighting. You see, lack of any real character development is easily remedied when the two characters designed to jump each other's bones, don't or can't, or do, and don't follow through on it, creating the "are they aren't they" cycle all over again. Smallville, however, adds an interesting element, in that you know li'l Supes has to ditch Lana for pasty white Lois by the series end. So, really, the only reason they don't do it? Greedy producers stretching a show that should really wrap up next season, so Clark can get to being Super, instead of a whiney, irritating, doe-eyed bitch. Oooh, how I look forward to Smallville: The College Years. Groan.