[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]

Dear Newmoanyeah:

What percentage of men go bald?

Sincerely,
Loo Tsing Myair

Fuzzy Pink Staff Writer Kerry Sainato	Josh Roberts of Chapter 11 Studios
What percentage of men go bald? I'm not quite sure how that's advice, and I don't know the answer. So let's... ask Jeeves! Ha. Jeeves is bald! Anyway, according to an article on abcnews.com, nearly 35 million American men are losing their hair; that's about 1/2 of all men. Again, I'm not sure how this is advice, per se, but if it's just that you're worried about going bald, here's some advice: don't do the combover. It's horrid. Dreadful. Also, rugs, are bad news. Everyone can tell it's fake. I suppose you could try the whole Rogaine thing, but I'm a skeptic. I mean, if it worked, why would anyone be bald? I think the safest bet is shaving all remaining hair off. It always looks better than the alternative.	According to a recent scientific study, more than 30% of adult men go completely bald by age 55, while a shocking 60 percent suffer from the dreaded comb-over effect by the time they're eligible for AARP. Also worth noting: 70% of all statistics are made up on the spot.. [Josh Roberts is the sinister mastermind behind the coooool adventure game-producing Chapter 11 Studios.]
Jason Beane of Troy's Bucket	Editor-in-Chief Stephen Lin
Well, let's see. There's your dad, your grandparents, and in about 36 months…you! Add in my friend Adam and that works out to be about 20 percent! But don't despair, there IS hope yet! Just start shaving your head now. Not only will it make you feel like a Big ManTM, but you'll be able to live comfortably in denial of nature's joke at your expense. Or go ahead and cling to your last precious hairs. Grow them out to 2 feet and comb 'em over. It's not the end of the world. Have you ever seen Shaolin Soccer? The balding guy in that was still pretty bad ass. Well, sort of. Or better yet…wear a pigtail and beret all of the time! Pretend to be an arty snob! Sit in an independent theater and just make noises like a haughty stifled laugh. That'll get you respect. Really. [Beaner is one of the talented nice-guys behind the schweet web comic, Troy's Bucket.]	Let's see. I have several friends who have receding hairlines, but I won't count them as they're technically not bald. While I have no friends who are involuntarily bald, I do have a couple who regularly shave and shine their heads. As I'm nearly infinitely popular in the geek world, I'd estimate (based on the number of bald friends) that 0.0001% of men go bald. Oh, wait a minute... you were talking about heads being bald and not other parts of the body, right? Because if that isn't the case I might have to recalculate.