Holy Japanese Cow!
I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly didn't prepare myself for the yeeeeesh-fest that is Takashi Miike's Audition. While the basic premise involves a widower film producer using a semi-fake audition to find a new wife, the bloody meat of the movie spurts unusual blotches of mystery, horror, anxiety, and gore in every direction.

Rather than give away too many details, I've decided to put together a "recipe" for film. If the recipe sounds tasty to you, definitely go check out Audition. If the recipe alone makes you want to yak your brains out, I'd suggest trying something milder.

A Recipe for Audition
Ingredients:
1 box of The Ring (Japanese Version)
8 oz of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
3 tbsp of Misery
1 dash of Swimfan 1 lbs of Vanilla Sky
8 billion needles 3 cans of yeesh

Directions
Line a casserole pan with The Ring. Be sure to line the edges of the pan as well to ensure consistent structure and basic feel throughout Audition. Spinkle The Texas Chainsaw Massacre over The Ring-lined pan, allowing the sharp flavor to appear toward the bottom of the dish.

Next, pour three tablespoons of Misery and a dash of Swimfan into the casserole pan. While these ingredients probably won't be immediately identifiable in Audition, they will help fluff up the mixture.

Fold in one pound of Vanilla Sky. This will greatly affect the texture of the dish and should be applied generously. However, in combination with the other ingredients, the Vanilla Sky will not feel as smooth as it would on its own.

Cover the top of Audition with three cans of yeesh and eight billion needles and bake for 115 minutes. If for some reason you do not like needles or are allergic to needles DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER making this dish.

On the web: Audition DVD at Poker Industries