Thank the Stars the World is Now Filled With Vampire Slayers... or, a Review of Blood Canticle
It was almost exactly a year ago that I sat down with my laptop to write a review of Anne Rice's new book of 2002, Blackwood Farm. Many things have changed in the world since then. I was so excited to even have Lestat's name mentioned in the book, much less to have him rise from his comatose state at the end. "Ooh - maybe the next one will have Lestat in it too!" is the exact thought I had.

My wishes were granted. Lestat returns as the narrator/author of this book. I don't know what's happened to him. I was amused by his beginning rant about how much his reading public didn't appreciate Memnoch the Devil. I rolled my eyes at his continuous whining about how much he wants to be a Saint. But, I'm sorry. I just couldn't take his description of every piece of furniture in his flat, his description of every piece of clothing that he, Quinn and Mona ever wore. Bored now.

Whiny vampire bitches!
Quinn. In last year's review, was an interesting, charming, fairly young vampire with an interesting story to tell. He's got nothing to say this time around. He's a flat character. In fact, I can't even describe his purpose in this story, except that it was already shown in Blackwood Farm that Mona Mayfair was the love of his life, so it wouldn't make sense for him to not be there.

Mona Mayfair. Lestat brought her into the Blood because she was dying. I don't know why. She is a whiny, annoying, spoiled, nerve-grating bitch. And she's supposed to be the plot mover in this story. Ugh.

Double Disjointed
The story is very disjointed. In fact, my use of the word "story" could be argued. It tries to tie up Blackwood Farm and Quinn's story, despite that there's no place for it in the main "plot line" (because I'm really guessing here) and at the expense of all the rich side characters that were created for Blackwood Farm. The main plot line is how Mona Mayfair, love of Quinn's life, brought into to the Blood by Lestat so she wouldn't die (a BIG mistake), who wants to find the Taltos* child she brought into the world that was taken from her.

Yes, her Taltos child. HA! You've been had! You only thought you were reading a Vampire Chronicle Book! You're reading what should have been the fourth book in the Witching Hour series!! Here, I think, lies the major issue with this book. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TALTOS CHILDREN! I'm in fact unsure that I ever read the 3rd book in that series. It's not on my bookshelf. I loved the Witching Hour and the Mayfair Witch thing, but the whole Taltos children concept was horrifyingly gross and a little bit boring. The thing is, Lestat doesn't actually care either - he does it all for Mona, WHO HE HATES! Lestat doesn't even like her that much! He's in love with Rowan Mayfair (The Witching Hour) which makes no sense because she would NEVER want him to go after the Taltos children!

Kerri's Dreaded Probation List
I admit, I didn't finish the book yet and probably won't. I was near the end, where they found a Taltos child, with the help of an e-mail from Maharet (Yes, an e-mail. She e-mailed a reply to Lestat's telepathic cry for help. BORING! I can do that!) and he turned out to be obnoxious, whiny and annoying, so I had to put the book down.

Anne Rice is officially on my probation list. (See also Patricia Cornwell, Isle of Dogs, who made the list when the point of view was suddenly switched to a fish in a bucket in the back seat of a car.) This book was a complete and utter waste of my time. I searched hard for something positive in this book and found absolutely nothing. Not even the title. I don't know what the heck a canticle is and I'm not about to look it up.

Blood Canticle has done it for Anne Rice and Lestat. I'm done. Let Lestat track me down and kill me for saying this and calling him a big poofball.

At least that would be interesting.