Why don't they just hand out DVD copies in the lobby afterwards?

[Author's Note: This article assumes the position of preaching to unbelievers, as the converts who have seen Kill Bill have no doubt returned multiple times with friends. So to those not sure of whether this film is worth their time, here is a gift of advice from author to reader - if visiting this site on purpose, stop at the end of this sentence and check local movie listings for the next two showings. Should you need more convincing, continue through the spoiler-free review. ]

"To prove how serious I am, I'm going to say this in English." Quentin Tarantino. Whether you hate or overrate him, his name and body of work have become iconic... Which made his six-year silence in the film world all the more deafening. Yet several months ago whispers of a project the director had kept on the QT surfaced concerning a martial-arts homage to old-school action films titled Kill Bill. It's seen many revisions since the initial shooting script found its way into the internet's binary arteries a year ago; the most famous being the devicive decision on behalf of Miramax to bisect Tarantino's baby in two large pieces instead of further editing it down.

Despite the practice of multi-part films becoming commonplace, Kill Bill's format remains the largest target in a shooting gallery of complaints. What with the Matrix Reloading somewhat faultily, most audiences feel like they need more wire fu like a jump kick in the head. And were that what Kill Bill was all about, that comment might be valid instead of just pure kung-foolishness.

Solid Snakes

Uma, Warrior Princess.

Certainly, the story reads straightforward enough: a pregnant woman and her wedding party are brutally gunned down by her coworkers, a quartet of snake-named-and-natured characters known as the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (D.i.V.A.S). 4 years later, the woman awakens from a coma. A plate in her head and a disturbingly empty womb, she becomes the vengeful Bride, hunting down her associates and their leader, her ex-lover -- the titular Bill.

Been there, done that, watched the sequel. If that weren't by the numbers enough, Tarantino's screenplay even inserts chapter breaks and information about each main character. And while even money could be bet that most moviegoers haven't seen as much blood present in the final sequences of the film since their own births, it's nothing that hasn't been poorly shot before, right?

God Will Be Cut

The fight over who should be more ashamed of being in Batman and Robin.

Except that this is Quentin Tarantino. Therefore, even the dialogue becomes an action sequence. Dialogue - remember that, movies? Those lines that your producers don't snort? The space between the bullets and the butterfly kicks trailer-made for distribution? So with the punches flying in both action and words sound, the audience has barely a chance to keep its breath or for the squeamish, cover their eyes. The only real complaint I can muster is the need to see the Japanese cut of the film.

Girls, girls, please! You can both appear in my dreams tonight!

With a film fusion including anime, samurai, plenty of schoolgirl-on-girl action set to a emninetly memorable (and whistle-able) soundtrack, Tarantino has shown that he not only knows himself, but those like him. Sure to pop geek cherries like Pac-Man on power pills, it almost garners pity for any movies that follow it (as well as those who have to clean thefloor of the theater) - Kill Bill is a tough act to follow. It certainly isn't for everyone - if a movie starts with a quote from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, it should polarize the audience well enough. Still, for a bloody good time it's murder most fine: Kill Bill is a killer cut however deep you want it to be.