Yes, I Guess I Could Have Made a Fingering Joke.
I was, like, way bummed that the White Stripes gig in Boston last month was, ya know, cancelled? Because Jack White was in a car accident? And he hurt his finger? But then I heard they were playing in California, and I was all, hey I can see then once I move back home, and like, my friend Fred can come too? So, like, it all worked out and stuff. And dude, they totally rocked.

I've only been back on the West Coast for a week and my head is feeling lighter already. Can't be bothered with grammar. Or punctuation. Here are my thoughts on the September 13th show.

1. The Greek Theater in Berkeley is an excellent venue for a concert, sorta. It's a real Greek Amphitheater, open air, beautiful view of the bay, and pretty much every seat is a good one, with no poles or anything blocking views. It's all cement though, so even with a towel to sit on, my bum was getting really numb and sore even before the Stripes went on.

2. But on to the music. The opening act was Ima Robot. I don't know what drug the lead singer was on, but I want some because he was having way more fun than anyone else. They had a few songs that made me say "meh," but then they got very 80's Devo/Cindy Lauper/Information Society and that was kind of fun.

3. In between the two groups there were cartoons. Not new cartoons, but old Betty Boop and Little Audrey and things from the 40's where sadistic fish bring a human to court and sentence them to be eaten by a giant clam or something. Old cartoons are creepy. It was an entertaining distraction at first, but then after five or six, when the stage looked ready to go, people started to boo when a new one would come on.

4. They have the coolest roadies ever. One was a chick. Have you ever seen a chick roadie? Me neither. A few of the roadies were in full Jack camouflage, black suit, shirt and bowler hat and skinny red tie. I suppose they could also serve as decoys for over-excited fans.

5. The show finally began with Jack and Meg running onto the stage, like the Beatles coming onto the field of Candlestick Park back in the day. Over the next hour and a half Jack convulsed his way around stage, tripping over his own feet and freaking out. I'm amazed it took an entire car to bring him down and break a bone. It seems like something that could easily happen as he throws himself to the ground during an intense guitar thrashing.

6. Meg sang In the Cold Cold Night. Wow. I didn't know if she performed live, as I've never seen them in person before. Don't hold it against me. I'll admit, I came a little late to the White Stripes party, but I have all the albums now, and at least I wasn't one of the people there just waiting to hear Seven Nation Army and then sneak out early to beat traffic. Yes, in California, even at 11:00PM on a Saturday, there's traffic.

7. Wait. Where was I? Ah yes, Meg. She's so freaking cute. She stood up and came out from behind the drums to take center stage and Jack just backed off and let her do her thing. All the stage lights were turned off so it was just her in a spotlight, dark, intimate, and very impressive. I read on a message board that some jackass frat boys were screaming at Meg to get naked or something during this song. Then they called Jack some nasty names. Why pay $30 to go to a show, stand in front, and then be mean? Frat guys suck.

   Near the end of the song Jack snuck up right behind Meg, as though he was about to Put the Moves On. You know, like when that guy at the 10th grade dance finally comes over just as the parents are about to show up and embarrass you, and you sort of feel him behind you, but you don't want to turn around, and then he's just right next to you so you can feel his breath on your neck as he towers over you and then leans down and finally puts his hand on your waist to ask you to dance. It was just like that.

8. If they are brother and sister, they have a very strange relationship.

9. Jack didn't bother with chit chat, just jumped from one song into another. The exception was a few songs in, he picked up a paper and started reading from it,
   "On a Monday I was arrested
   On a Tuesday they locked me in the jail
   On a Wednesday my trial was attested
   On a Thursday they said guilty and the judge's gavel fell"

   There were three more verses, and I figured it out about halfway through, but at the end he simply said, "Johnny Cash." No gushing, no explaining why he read it or why Johnny Cash was such a swell guy. Just, "Johnny Cash." Pure awesome.

10. And is that really his normal speaking voice? When he and Renee are out to dinner does he sound like that? Speaking of, there was some discussion on a WS message board about whether or not Ms. Zellwiger was the blonde standing in the wings, but I can't confirm one way or the other.

11. They did We Are Gonna Be Friends! I didn't think they would but they did they did! I know some people don't like it, but I think the fact that crazy Jack can put a sweet song about two kids and their first day of school on an album is really endearing. Awww.

12. Some guy ran across the stage during the encore, pointed to Meg, then didn't know what to do next. He sort of bounced around, then the decoy roadies grabbed him and took him backstage for a pounding or whatever they do.

13. The set list, for those who like to keep track of these things:

    The Big Three Killed My Baby
    Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
    When I Hear My Name
    I Got Stripes (Johnny Cash song, read from a sheet of paper)
    Death Letter-People Grinnin in Your Face
    Black Math
    Apple Blossom
    You're Pretty Good Looking For A Girl
    In the Cold, Cold Night
    I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself
    Cannon
    Ball and Biscuit
    Hardest Button to Button
    We're Going To Be Friends
    Offend in Every Way - Isis
    Let's Shake Hands - Fever to Tell - Pick a Bail of Cotton

    Encore:
    Seven Nation Army
    Little Room
    Union Forever
    Truth Doesn't Make a Noise
    Boll Weevil
    

14. Right before Boll Weevil, Jack did the only working of the crowd for the night. He thanked San Francisco, because he said it was the first city to ever like them. And he said something along the lines of, "This will be it, then we can all go home and hug our mothers." How can you not love a man who endorses hugging mom?

15. Despite my concern about developing blood clots in my cramped legs and possibly dying from them due to the seating conditions, because that seems to be all the rage lately, I thought the show was pretty darn lickable. Yes, that's lick, not like. The Whites know how to put on a memorable live performance, better than anything you could get on a CD. If they can balance a budget, or a checkbook, then I highly endorse Jack and Meg for governors of California so we can all share the love.