A Sensual Plugging
It perfectly fits. An Amazonian woman has products featured on amazon.com. Luscious tennis star, Anna Kournikova -- who has the torso of a hairless male model -- fashions the online retail store with her angelic visage with a purchasable sports bra clasping her supple breasts. One only has to look once to realize the true beauty of this exotic creature and find out that she is a muscular Johnathan Taylor Thomas in a skirt. Yes, you whisper in your ear before spoiling the fantasy, just keep thinking of that accent... just keep thinking of that accent...

Erotic Features
And there her breasts lay upon these molded cups, defying their nourishing weight with their strength of inner supporting slings. Tracing up to her fragile bulbous shoulders and around her soft, pink body wrap straps with two fastening positions; crossing over each other tight around her back, or lining it with a warm, straight fit. Like the cool and tingling whisps of air that escapes one's lips and across the surface of her back, it's material -- a high-tech CoolMax® fabric -- presses against her goosebumped skin.

She cries out its name, "Impact Level 3 Multiway Shock Absorber Bra!" and once again between the quick rhythmic breaths she takes while gripping the racket, "Oh, Impact Level 3 Multiway Shock Absorber Bra!" Even her gasping for air has an accent.

This bra she so wonderfully endorses comes from a family of shock absorbing apparel. Tops and bras, Anna would understand, but... Shock Absorber Track Pants? One must compare this technology to metal rods and grounders that conducts lightning into the earth, except with energy produced from breast propulsion.

For Creepy Lust and Charity
According to Newmoanyeah's Marketing Science Labcoat Department, most of the Kournikova sports bra purchases will be made by the demographic known as "unsound men". Knowing that this bra was "especially made" for her, as well as knowing the cups were molded, one can only assume that they were molded from her very own mammaries. Therefore, an average consumer can experience her breasts by way of fabricated casts. Instructions would read like this: purchase, fill with condiment or gelatinous snack of choice, and pervert away. Speaking of which, Kournification makes a good pun.

Don't feel guilty, this is the first time your creepiness would go to a just cause -- amazon.com is donating 10% of the sales to the Harlem Jr. Tennis Program. There should be more programs like this. Like the Annual Dog Hump Pledge Drive for AIDS, or the Headache Foundation's Celebrity Restraining Order Charity Ball.

On the web: Anna Kournikova's Amazon Store