Freddy vs. Jason
byJosh Fialkov, Bathroom Obsessed Staff Writer
September 1, 2003 + Los Angeles, CA
Transcribed by Joshua Hale Fialkov
 The following is a transcript of the two obnoxious suburban white teens who sat behind me at The World Famous Sherman Oaks Galleria for a screening of Freddy Vs. Jason.
| Short Kid: |
|
That part when Freddy's all like "Fuck you, dude!" |
| Fat Kid: |
|
Yeah that was the shit, yo. |
| Short Kid: |
|
And that kid who was in Jay and Silent Bob was the jammy! |
| Fat Kid: |
|
No, dizawg, that kid just looked like the kid who was in Jay and Silent Bob. |
| Short Kid: |
|
Yo you're stoned. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
I wish, fizzle! |
| Short Kid: |
|
Sho nuff, muthafucka! |
| Fat Kid: |
|
When's your mom coming? |
| Short Kid: |
|
8:30. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
When's curfew? I don't want to get in trouble |
(At this point, they get up, and I follow them out of the theater.)
| Short Kid: |
|
My mom'd be fuckin' pissed if she knew I ain't go see Spy Kids 3. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
Yo, dizille, Fuck your momma! |
| Short Kid: |
|
Fuck your momma! She wouldn't even come pick us up. She's a bizitch. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
Fuck that, she had to go pick up her SUV. Your mom ain't even got no SUV. She's all drivin' a sedan, and shit. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
My fuckin' sedan is doper than hell bitch. |
| Short Kid: |
|
Fuck that! |
| Fat Kid: |
|
Fuck that! |
| Short Kid: |
|
Fuck you! |
(A nearby security card pulls them aside, and asks them about the ruckus. They turn pale white, and promptly shit their pants. The security guard tells them to keep it down, and they walk away.)
| Fat Kid: |
|
Fizuckin Bizitch! |
| Short Kid: |
|
Yo, dude, she can hear you. |
| Fat Kid: |
|
Yeah, that movie was fizuking dizope. |
| Short Kid: |
|
Tru Dat. |
(Their mom pulled up in her SUV, and the boys both got in the back seat.)
|
