A Retraction
Dear K. Costner:

Several months ago, I wrote a very nice and supportive advice response to you when you asked newmoanyeah.com if Waterworld had been bad for your career. I take it all back.

I just got home from seeing Open Range. I haven't been that bored in a movie... ever. And that was before I discovered that the ending to the movie was going to trail on for a good half hour. Even the big gun fight in the end did little to excite me - I was really hoping that someone would miss and accidentally hit me. I wouldn't even have minded a fatal shot. When I wasn't wondering why ever other outdoor scene was fake (clouds do MOVE, you know!) I spent most of my time counting ceiling tiles. (There are some 272 tiles in the Framingham Premium Cinema, if you're wondering. I may be off because all the counting kept putting me to sleep.)

What were you thinking? For God's sake, man, the movie ended with your character saying, "Let's go find our cows!" I literally had hysterics in the theatre. A good ending line is "Let's go hunt some Orcs!" That's stirring! It makes you smile! It makes you say, "I want to go too!" Who gives a damn about your cows? And how far were they really going to go in the first place? They're cows!

You've got a long way to go to redeem yourself now, buddy. Robin Hood or no Robin Hood.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find some cows.