Barefoot Books is a small yet thriving children's book publisher located in Cambridge, Massachusetts. They publish high quality picture books that are rich in color and have a solid spirit of wonder and energy fit for anyone with ADD. With their specialty store located on Mass. Ave housing sunshine displays and knowledgeable employees of personable friendliness, I thought, "Fuck, this shit needs to be reviewed and supported by some bitch ass kid readers."

Fuck Shit Slut Camp
Norma No Friends is a book written and illustrated by Paula Metcalf. This award winning Wales-born ho is one crafty son of a bitch. She makes dolls and puppets, which is clearly an influence in her collage driven illustrations for the book. It makes me want to reach into the boldly printed pages and make the characters fuck each other.

I feel for Norma. She's an isolationist, like me, who was also certified one fucked up name. Her full name is Norma No Friends, with "No" being her middle name. I won't disclose my middle name, other than that altogether, my full name contains seven (7) O's. Saying my full name sounds like something people with accents would yell when going for a bumpy ride.

Norma is one friendless fuck whose only company are goats that she milks on a daily basis. The story covers what happens on her birthday, noting that the buckets collected more tears than milk. I really understand what she's going through, except on my birthday, it was a bucket of ejaculation.

Damn Fuck Dick Testicle
Drowning in a hurricane of melancholic fury, this would-be slut runs away and retreats to a hilltop where she finds a moment of happiness. There is where Norma stumbles upon a girl who is crying little shit sized tears in the folds of long grass. After a meeting, Norma realizes she is going through the exact same problem she is: the girl's name is Nelly No Friends.

They find borderline lesbianic activities to romp around in and decide to change their middle names together, both starting with the letter R. They move in together and the book cleverly ends with the sign outside their house reading "Norma + Nelly R. Friends."

And the Lovely Conclusion
There are several stale phrases that patronize an adult reader as if they were children or fucking retarded, but there is a strong message in the story expressing the realization that no one is truly alone and that although unfuckable, lesbians can still be cool. Norma No Friends by Paula Metcalf is one fucking good read suitable for booknerds of any age. Especially for children. I shit you not.