WB Ads = Sex, Lies and Dramatic Voice-Overs
I'm not sure when it started, but probably a year or so ago I started to notice a nasty trend on the WB. No, not the random actor swapping, although honestly, how many more shows can Julie Benz and Chad Michael Murray try to liven up with their hot bods? (Of course, if there was a show that simply created a new reason each week for CMM and/or Tom Welling to take off their shirts, or at least get wet, I would be an avid viewer.)

What I'm talking about are the nasty lies they use in commercials to lure in viewers. The previews went from titillating, to sneaky, to downright underhanded. Rather than showing clips that give you a taste of an episode, they creatively edit scenes, usually out of sequence, to make you think that something incredible, or disastrous, or more often than not, sexual, will happen to the characters. Usually these ads feature tag lines like, "Nothing will ever be the same," or "One of them will say goodbye, forever," or "Can she be saved in time?"

Then you watch the episode, see how little things, like a grocery list or papercut, are taken totally out of context, and wind up with the usual formulaic episode.

For example. Will Joey really sleep with bad boy Charlie? Yeah, but on the opposite side of the bed, in a totally platonic way. Will Ben propose to Mary? Yep, but only briefly, as she then rejects him and walks off. Will Max, Michael and Isabelle be captured by alien hunters and used for horrible experiments? No, but they did get shipped off to UPN.

But I've got news for the WB. I've cracked the code. I am no longer fooled by their creative interpretations of plot lines, and you don't have to be either.

The Formula
If the teaser promises that someone is going to do drugs, have sex with a stranger, or do anything radically out-of-character on Dawson's Creek, something completely unrelated will happen.

If commercials seem to promise that Clark will finally, once and for all, admit his true feelings to Lana (or Chloe to Clark, or Lana to Clark, or Pete to Clark), or if you think someone is going to discover Clark's powers and ruin his life, something completely unrelated will happen.

If previews suggest that Rory and Lorelai will go through something that will change everything between them, something completely unrelated will happen.

Occasionally, one of the events you see in a promo really will happen, but there's always a catch. Clark really will grow a personality and a libido and have a hot and wild make-out session with an equally aroused Chloe, but only as the result of a mysterious rock that alters his entire personality. And of course, the other people involved will wind up with amnesia so that they have no recollection of what happened.

Or Pacey and Joey really do have that sultry kiss, making you think that the Creek has finally become Dawson-less, except that Joey is, whoops! drunk, and has no recollection of their snogging the next morning.

Or Angel really will decide to tell Cordelia that he's in love with her, but, oops! she's been made a higher being and no longer exists in any tangible, love-declaring way, so he goes back to brooding all alone, and none of the other characters have any recollection of what happened.

Here's a plot line the WB might want to try out: Thousands of tv watchers realize that the tasty promos they see almost always lead to a disappointing episode that's not nearly as creative or original as these paper things called "books." Young people everywhere are sucked into what's known as "literature" where they find themselves stimulated and challenged by exciting characters and dialogue. The WB connives to get viewers back on the couch and hypnotize them with fresh new eye candy, or Chad Michael Murray... and something completely unrelated happens.

Click.