Not Sadistic Enough?
(Note to self. Delete cookie on work computer from editor's advanced warning of assignment before backup software runs in the morning. If that task fails, embellish story of trying to get to Virgin Airlines website and missing and don't look computer guys in the eye.)

Yay me! I get a website to review! Just the site, not the product. That's not bad at all! I don't have to eat anything gross [See: Go-Gurt & Spam. - Ed.]!

Cheap Entertainment
If you're having a bad day, go to VirginMe.com. You won't be able to stop laughing. It's terrible. I never made it past the first page... I tried, really I did! But I started laughing so hard at the "Guarntee" [sic] button that I couldn't do it!

"Can you become a Virgin Again..." the head banner proclaims in flowery script. No. Oh, I'm sorry. You meant to say, "you can become a Virgin Again"? Ok. I'll keep reading.

As Not Seen on TV (Thankfully!)
The product? It's some weird-ass thing that's non-surgical, non-chemical, and Peruvian, that a woman puts in her body so that her unsuspecting mate of the moment will think she's still a virgin while he's shagging her. Because, according to the lovely prose style of the seller, that's really what all men want deep down inside: a virgin to marry and an $800 Peruvian whore to hump while they're looking. The website outlines the four factors that a man uses when judging if he has been the plucker of his woman's cherry, and "guarntees" to compensate all four of those things (even the pain!) so the man will be completely tricked!

I can tell you're not sold. Don't worry. Between where he stresses how valuable being a virgin in today's society can be and the history of where he got the secret formula from (which he provides bypass link if you don't have the time for history), he inserts

e-mails of satisfied women that can't thank Greg enough... for all the help he's given them in roping in stupid, stupid males... who think they're virgins even though I play the flute like a pro.

Wasted Space
All of this is on one, long, never-ending strip down the center of the website. The lovely buttons are on the top left, and the right hand side is completely and absolutely blank. That's space for photos of satisfied customers, I'm sure. Or photos of proof. Ew!!!

I think I've finally stopped laughing. All I can say is that this website is a sad, sad reminder that there are a lot of stupid people out there in the world. You can't argue with me. This is a man who paid $55,000 for the formula and is selling it to stupid women for $299, though there's a Christmas sale going on until February 7th for the low, low price of $199!

P.S. No, the bold words don't mean anything. That's just the spirit of the website!