Unemployment Rocks!
I was suffering from a severe case of unemployment, when I came upon my salvation. No, not a job. It was my dear friend, my life-partner, my television. Now I found it not only supplying my nighttime sustenance, but my daytime victuals as well. I had entered the world of daytime television, and discovered a life as enriching as the one I delighted in during 'prime-time'.

Daytime television was once the bastion of horrific serial soap operas. Needless to say, it still is, at least in the realms of network television. Young and the Restless, All My Children, and General Hospital are all painful reminders of the sacrifices home-wives have made, not only by having to spend hour upon hour with their dreadful offspring, but also with the demonic plague that is daytime soap operas. Still, thanks to the magic of cable television, daytime TV, or unemployed TV as I have learned to call it, has some real gems.

A Joel Story
Aside from the non-soap opera stalwarts, mainly consisting of Ricki Lake-type talk shows and a plethora of game shows that have been on since the dawn of television, cable television has provided niche shows that specialize in the various groups of homebodies. For example, The Learning Channel has the lonely-house-wives/gay-guys-who-have-a-sugar-daddy market cornered. Shows like Baby Story (about couples having a baby), Wedding Story (about couples getting married), and Makeover Story (about ugly chicks being made to look better). If you are a straight male watching these shows, please donate your testicles to science; you obviously don't need them.

Discovery Channel, parent company of TLC, is geared towards the more adventurous house-wives/gay-guys-who-can-afford-to-be-sugar-daddies market. Shows like Surprise By Design and Home Matters are perfect for people who like watching others fix their homes, but don't want to actually do any work themselves. Similarly, The Travel Channel is geared towards those agoraphobic souls who love the idea of travelling, but are too chicken-shit to go outside their homes.

Re-Runs!
Now we come to the real meat of daytime TV. I quickly found myself addicted to TNT, and its brilliant placement of recent-run primetime shows that I never saw the first time around. ER, Law and Order, and NYPD Blue are all perfect shows to watch while waiting for the phone to ring, only to find out it's not a perspective employer, but some guy selling rug cleaning services. For a change of pace, I could also watch Comedy Central's re-runs of Saturday Night Live which weren't funny the first time, and are now so outdated that you have to remember why they thought a ten minute sketch of Bill Clinton eating a cheese burger would be funny. I also recommend The Food Channel's Iron Chef for its almost surreal use of things like sea lichen as a dessert dish, or Animal Planet's understanding that everyone enjoys watching other people's pets die in such cheerful shows as Animal ER.

Formerly Known as the RedneckWork
Oh, if all else fails, try TNN. They show re-runs of A-Team. You can't go wrong with Mr. T's brilliant portrayal of B.A. Baracus. This week's episode has the gang drugging B.A. to get him on an airplane. And Face wears a funny disguise. Man, that's good stuff!