I am losing time.
No, I've gotten over my abduction. Well, almost.

My not-so-secret dream in life is to be a famous author. I love to write. Like all unpublished authors out there, I still have to eat, so I only write at night. I've read lots of self-help books that say, "Set a writing schedule" and "throw out your TV - it's eating your brain." Yeah, whatever. Time and TV I can deal with. What I can't deal with is Spider Solitaire.

Yes, I said Spider Solitaire.

I'm addicted. I can't help it. You want proof? Here are my statistics, current as of right now: December 11, 2002 at 7:00pm:

Easy Level: 2 wins; 0 losses
Medium Level: 683 wins; 1,083 losses
Difficult Level: 32 wins; 692 losses

The girl who can't subtract tries her hand at math.
That's a grand total of 2,492 games. And I know I've reset the counter at least four times in the two-year life of my computer, the last probably being sometime in the June-ish timeframe. (Why reset? Usually when I lose at the Easy Level... it's too embarrassing.) I figure it takes me anywhere from 2 minutes to 5 minutes to lose or win a game. That means I've spent 59 hours losing at Spider Solitaire and 60 hours winning. (Huh. I didn't expect the math to work out quite that way. Weird!) That's almost 120 hours! If I had a part-time job at $8 an hour, I could've earned $960 in that time!!!

The true cry of an addict: It's not my fault!!
I didn't ask for this program to be automatically loaded onto my computer! And even now, as I try to think of what to write next, I feel the itch of my index finger (I have a touch pad mouse, thank you very much!) to follow that dreadful path from Start to Accessories to Spider!

It's just that it is such a short little game. When my brain is stuck, or my characters are being stuck up, or I've written my heroine into a brick wall with no way out, I move to the mindless game. And then I keep playing. And playing. And playing. I must win! I must try to reach that 40% win ratio in the Medium... or that 5% win ratio on Difficult! (I don't dare touch the Easy any longer... what if I should screw up and lose?)

The Easy Way Out is SOOO HARD!
I know what I need to do, but I'm not there yet. I can't just delete it off my computer. I can't go cold turkey. I'm just not strong enough!

I have to go now. I'm feeling the urge again.