But Mainly Halloween

Hellooooo, nurse(s)!

After a certain age, dressing up and going trick or treating gets a little weird--usually around the time you're able to drive to the houses. Especially when the wife threatens to leave if you take the car. Sure, you think, to choose between a wife and candy isn't a hard decision. This is a dilemma most Americans have to deal with, and you soon realize that it's not that hard of a choice to make. It's not like she's able to have kids anyway. And the only reason you married was because with kids, you qualify in going out amongst the youngsters in receiving candy from strangers.

This Article is After Halloween Like Christmas Lights are Up After Christmas
America's need for Halloween is important. The day of dressing funny in unison gives the closet cross-dressers a day to feel normal, but by adulthood, they get their panties in a bunch. And the usual step taken after the trick or treating era is the Halloween party.

Parties aren't for everyone, which is what makes New Years a horrible holiday. The social obligation to be social induces anxiety attacks, and this very aspect of New Years is carried over to Halloween. Of course nobody needs to go to a party, but at the same time, nobody wants to let down the closet cross-dressers. It's great when you see a guy dressed as a bimbo and enjoying himself in public. They need Halloween more than anyone, after kids.

There was a time where Halloween was one of the few holidays with a dash of childish innocence, but in came the poisons of New Years to party. On top of that are the specks of lovers who rub in their affection in the form of costumes for couples. Costumes for couples. Yes, costumes for couples. If Valentine's and Halloween had a baby, it would be costumes for couples.

Dumb Cheap Shots at Costumes for Couples
Say you do find a party to go to, which isn't hard, because nerds are willing to get together for a cross-dress sympathy shakedown anyway. You arrive, feeling like you've made it to social acceptance, when a couple comes over to bump you down a notch. Sure you have friends, but do you have a lover?

"We're together," they say. Well of course, I could see it from across the room: the guy's a plug, and the girl's a socket. Then comes the naughty jokes about humping, sparks flying, and/or how babies jam forks in her crotch area.

Couples Vs. Groups
Of course there's a difference between costumes for couples and costumes for a group of three or more. There's no symbol for lovey dovey coupledom anymore. They're just a part of an exclusive group, but that's fine--they're pals. A sub-party within a party.

It's easy to turn obnoxious costumes for couples into the people friendly group theme. For example, there's the crazy doctor and slutty nurse combo. Throw in a subservient gimp and you saved yourself a shiner.

• Pimps n' Ho's.
  There's always a pimp and ho combo somewhere. Usually they try to be clever and unpredictably have the pimp be a girl and the ho be a guy. This is usually when there's a transvestite in the mix. The unclever ones go with the guy as the pimp and the girl as the ho. Maybe they're boring or maybe they're trying to be ironic like a trucker hat. Either way you play out your genders, there is a way to turn the pimp and ho into a gang of three: the satisfied customer (who is a hermaphrodite).

• Miscellaneous.
  I ran out of couple costume ideas. But you get the gag: point out a costume, say something whiny and angry sounding, "throw in" a third element to make it a gang of three. As long as your group can form three points in a triangle, you're fine.

• Horse.
  The horse is a classic, yet hardly anyone does this because of how awkward the costume is. One person plays the front half, and the other plays the back end. There would be no third element to throw in because naturally someone will come over and ask "which one of you is the ass?" and you'll realize that this Halloween all three of you came as an ass.

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