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Michael Chiklis walking away dejected. (Poor Vic Mackey/Commish.)

The "Queer Eye" Guys' Jerk Handler

Conan O'Brien's GIGANTIC FREAKIN' HEAD (I know he always jokes about it, but JESUS CHRIST!)

The Porta-John stationed behind the interview area which blew out exhaust consisting of 95% fecal odor 5% deodorizer

The Incredible Middle-Aged Fetus that is Paul Schaffer

Conan O'Brien's GIGANTIC FREAKIN' HEAD (He looks like a reverse weeble wobble. I swear!)

Jennifer Aniston = Hotter in Person

Wear a Tux at an Awards Show = Chicks Think You're Important

Two Red Carpets: Celebrities (the long one) and Everybody Else (3' x 1')

Due to extreme heat, many female celebrities appeared to be melting.

Tony Shalhoub = RULES

Conan O'Brien's GIGANTIC FREAKIN' HEAD (I mean... that poor guy... he's gotta have the worst neck pain of anyone in the world. I'm talking Ted Kennedy big, baby!)

Everybody Loves Raymond made by agents of Satan (Be serious, how the Hell else could it be on this long AND win awards?)

Award Shows = Not So Glamorous After All. (Unless you snag a gift basket.)