Could You Be His Special Lady?
Our DJ Timid is a really nice guy, but he just can't seem to find a date. With friendly emails like this that he's sending out to potential female friends, we just don't know why he hasn't found a real winner.

(Some personal details have been removed to prevent Timid from being overwhelmed with emails, phone calls, love letters and offers of sex and/or marriage.)

Ok, So He's Not Shakespeare
hey hey, i saw your post on craig's list and i'm definitely the man of your dreams. i may not be over 5'6" and I may dress like a homeless circus clown, but i think we are right for each other. i also hate sports and i don't drink because i am a mormon (you know, that crazy religion that doesn't drink or have fun?).

i also don't like music, candy, dogs, cats, movies, television, friends, video games, the beach, or fun. oh, and my favorite cookies are vanilla waffers.

The Original Craig's List Posting

I am a 22 yr old looking for a guy with some direction in life. I am not all talking about having the next 40 years planned out- a guy who knows what his interests are and is not afraid to pursue them. I will look good for you... please look for me - so I would like some style sense-- a least know what clothes are acceptable when. I am honest and direct. I like guys who stand up for themselves when appropriate (no doormats!!) and ones with the right touch of sweetness. (not too emotional)- Glad I am being clear huh? Finally, I want to be able to go out with my guy anywhere-- not all over eachother PDA- but have a good friendship- if we walk by a bar that looks fun at 3pm on a saturday, we can go in for a few- (dive bar to lounge) A guy that wants to hit up the sox or bruins games- (one that can handle the bleachers and the box seats!) (like - taller than 5'6" (my height)- athletic; I have hazel-green eyes, natural brown, blond, red hair- it is some sort of combo!)

i am bi-curious as well. if you have any other guy friends who you would like to bring along that would be great. tell them to be gentle (but not too gentle).

also, i want you to meet my parents. how about dinner at their house tonight? i'll call my mom now to see what she is making. it would probably be good if you brought dessert of something, my mom likes ice cream cakes. visit benandjerrys.com to find the store closest to you! make sure it has chunky monkey in it!

oh, my three ex wives will be there too. i don't date anyone without their approval. they may be contacting you as well so watch out!

what time should i pick you up for my cousin's wedding on saturday? make sure you wear white. also, they may need you to be part of the bridal party, so after dinner tonight i'll give you a run down on all the stupid beliefs of my religion. by the way, the wedding is in utah, so make sure you pack enough for a few days. bring a lot of mad libs because it's a long ride in the mini-van!

we may have to dye your hair so that it matches the cumberbun on the tux. do you want chicken or fish? i'll need to know in the next 15 minutes!

oh, and i have a dentist appointment today. could you give me a ride? i can't take my moped because my helmet has a scuff in it.

ok, PLEASE CALL ME at 617-842-XXXX, or you can call me on my home number at 617-987-XXXX, or my work number, 508-490-XXXX, or ay my parents house at 508-435-XXXX, or my grand parent's house at 508-435-XXXX.

or you can e-mail me at (name removed)@hotmail.com or (name removed)@hotmail.com or (name removed)@aol.com or (name removed)@fivelion.com or timid@newmoanyeah.com

or you can IM me at (name removed), (name removed) or nmytimid.

your future chunky monkey...