[Yet another "the views of this article do not necessarily reflect the yadda yadda yadda..." - Stephen]
Pre-editing conversation:

nmyTimid:		so what do you think? funny? too mean?
nmyLisa:		a little mean
nmyTimid:		you want me to tone it down?
nmyLisa:		but it just makes you look nasty more than anything
nmyLisa:		next time you can do something to show off your sensitive side
nmyLisa:		Ode to Dana or whatever
nmyTimid:		it's a deal

Let's get a few things established, just so we know where we stand.

Things I Hate
1. Girls Who Tell You That They Will Drink You Under The Table.
No offence, ladies, but this has never happened. Ever. Under no circumstances has any girl ever drunk me under the table. And I don't really drink either, that is not even the point. The point is that it always happens that it is like 6PM on a Wed and some friend of one of your female friends butts in on some conversation you are having about going out that weekend, and she starts bragging about how much she can drink and how all the guys in college were so impressed with how she "drank like a guy." So you kinda laugh it off and decide that she is just some blowhard dying for attention and probably looking for a chance to do just that to you: blowhard.

So the weekend comes, and you meet up with them and instantly, she's pounding beers and rum and cokes, and having full bottles of wine with dinner, and screaming the words to 50 Cent's "In Da Club," getting every third one right (in the process offending every black person in the bar, and setting back the progress of both women and white rappers by 15 years). An hour later she is spinning uncontrollably, unable to stand, and trading off between yelling at and making out with some Irish immigrant she met on the side of the road between when she puked in the backseat of the car and when she puked in the sink in the bathroom of the restaurant.

Then she starts doing body shots off of a guy in a Sean Jean shirt who is trying to grab her ass without her noticing.

By the end of the night she has passed out (Passed out? More like blacked out.) in the back of the car, slouched over, screaming about how she has a headache and how some idiot guy who already has a girlfriend won't call her back.

What is even worse is that the next morning, she acts as if it was the most impressive thing since the invention of Liquid Tide and takes pride in the fact that through the whole ordeal, she kept drinking. Listening to her, you would think that she was Isiah Thomas coming back from a severe ankle sprain to set the NBA Playoff record for most points in a quarter. You know what? You're not Isiah Thomas. You're not even Bill Laimbeer. You're more like Kurt Rambis. [Kurt who? I don't know who that is. Should I know who that is? Could you mention someone I know? - Lisa]

Drinking is not a sport people, and even if it were, it would be a sport like figure skating, where you're past your prime when you hit 19. No one wants to pay to see a 45-year-old Kristy Yamaguchi, and no one wants to be puked on by an alcoholic you don't really even know, with a bad haircut and a stretched out shirt from the GAP clearance rack.

The only woman big enough to ever drink me under the table was Nell Carter, and you know what, she's dead. And you know what else? She also had a drinking problem when she was alive. I bet right now Nell and Andre the Giant are up in heaven sitting around a big open keg of Ice House with the top cut off and two huge, garden hose size straws, drinking and laughing at the scrawny angels trying to get James Dean to screw them behind the statue of St. Peter.

2. White Guys Who Do Tai Chi

Stop it. Please. You do not impress anyone. I think we are all agreed that there is nothing as obnoxious and trendy as middle-to-upper class white people deciding it is their life's mission to "Free Tibet."

Richard Gere and the Beastie Boys, I'm looking in your direction. Mike D., remember when you wrote "Girls?"

Mid-editing conversation:

nmyLisa:		gasp! blasphemy against the Beastie Boys?
nmyLisa:		it sounds like you really do hate everyone
nmyTimid:		I sorta do
nmyLisa:		I mean, really, how can you hate people for supporting human rights? for trying to make the world a better place?
nmyLisa:		that's like hating people who try to help the homeless or abused children
nmyTimid:		yeah I hate them too
nmyLisa:		or people working to cure cancer
nmyTimid:		I smoke
nmyLisa:		in your prostate?
nmyTimid:		haha

While Editor Steve is apparently safe because he's Chinese, it appears that Timmy hates all other Newmoanyeah staffers for one reason or another.

Now these sickening individuals have taken it one step further, and there is this disgusting, over inflated, sickening trend of skinny white guys trying to find their inner Rob Van Damme by taking classes in Tai Chi. [Right, God forbid some of the fat-assed lazy Americans, who I think you also hate, should try to get a little exercise and fresh air. I think someone needs a cookie and a nap to calm down. - L.] [I officially extend DJ Timid an invitation to come to Chung Wah Academy for a free Tai Chi lesson... it'll help him lower his blood pressure. - Stephen.]

I understand the need for self-defense. The streets of Allston are tough. Who knows who is following you as you exit one of our 4,000 local Dunkin Donuts? But ask yourself this. Do you mention Tai Chi more than 6 times during the course of every meal? Do you kick your apartment door open when a simple push would suffice? Do you make "health shakes" in front of numerous people in a loud blender with the hopes that someone will inquire as to what you're doing, giving you the perfect chance to talk more about your healthy, Tai Chi balanced lifestyle?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then, sorry, but I hate you. And so do most other people.

And just to clear things up, my Godmother is a ninja and she used to be a bodyguard for the Dahli Lama, so I know what I'm talking about, you creampuffs.

3. Adults Who Read [Certain Kids Books That Timid Has No Business Hating - Ed.]

Grow the eff up and go back to reading Choose Your Own Adventure books, you underdeveloped, overindulged wastes-of-parking-spaces. People like you are the reason why you still can't swear on national television. For some reason, the government treats us all as if we were in the fifth grade, and I personally blame you people. Pick up a copy of White Noise by Don DeLillo [Or some other pretentious crap that apparently Big T doesn't mind other people seeing him with. - L] and don't get distracted by the small type and lack of illustrations.

Things I Don't Hate
Okay, I guess there isn't any room for me to elaborate on the things that I don't hate, so this quick list will have to do: TNN's Slamball, The movie Rollerball (the new one with LL Cool J), Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Blue M&M's, the old homeless guy who watches my car for me and who calls me George and tells me I'm good looking every Saturday when I park on Comm. Ave to go record shopping, rusty nails, the first few Iggy Pop albums, and the idea of me with Sarah Silverman.

If you hate anything as much as I do, drop me a line. I always love to talk to passionate people.