Stardate: 02102003
I knew I had a problem when I started entering stardates in my diary.

It started a few years ago when my mom lost some of her hearing. She was only able to watch shows that were closed captioned, which didn't leave much to choose from after primetime.

The one show she could always rely on: Star Trek: TNG. That's right, I don't even spell the name out anymore. It's gotten that serious.

I was appalled the first Christmas that I came home and caught her watching it. I proclaimed it was only for Comic Book Guys and teenagers who were seriously lacking in social skills. But, I wanted to be supportive, so slowly, I began to watch. Then I found myself turning it on even when I was alone. Then, I looked forward to it, staying up later just so I could catch the midnight episode of Voyager.

I didn't tell anyone about my problem, but the cat clawed its way out of the bag one day at work when my boss asked to to stay late to work on a particularly dificult project. "What does she think I am? Borg?" I asked a coworker. Damn. The next thing I know I'm getting Klingon dictionaries and Trek action figures as birthday presents.

To prevent something similar from happening to you, study these warning signs and look for them in your own life.

Prevention is the best medicine. I learned that from Picard.

• Even though you almost never watch the show, when you do turn it on, it's always an episode you've seen.

• Anytime someone talks about being logical, you picture them with a short bowlcut and pointy ears.

• You laugh at the car in front of you with its "My other car is a Bird of Prey" bumper sticker.

• When an engineer describes what's wrong with the warp drive/plasma coils/transporter, you feel like it makes perfect sense.

• You know which member of 7th Heaven was in The Voyage Home. I won't ask why you're watching 7th Heaven.

• You've made a toast by shouting 'Live long and prosper!'

• You remember when Jake and Nog were about the same height.

• You've seen the documentary Trekkies and watched the game show Beat the Geeks just to see if that freaky kid was still a total lunatic.

• At work, you've said either, 'Make it so,' 'Engage,' or called your assistant 'Number One.'

• You know at least 10 of the Rules of Acquisition.

• Every now and then you wonder what Data looks like... you know... under there.

• You don't think of Wil Wheaton as the kid from Stand By Me, even though most people think that's the only thing he ever did.

• You can tell a Bajoran from a Talaxian from a Ferengi.

• If you just said, "Well, duh, those three aren't even similar," then you aren't even in the closet anymore. Start planning your coming out party.