| The idea of couple-hood is an outdated, immature, primitive, and emotionally co-dependent joke, that is only kept alive by the greeting card industry and conservative Republicans who visit dominatrices, brothels, and their interns' studio apartments when no one is looking. The reason why people have less sex after being with someone for a few years is the same reason why more than half of all marriages end in divorce -- people are not choosing their long term companions for the right reason. Most emotionally weak, WB addicted, Who Wants To Marry a Millionaire watching, Cosmo test taking, Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi drinking, People Magazine reading, Marc Anthony CD buying woman and Abercrombie hat wearing, fantasy football drafting, weight lifting, gay-desire repressing, Maxim subscribing, light beer pounding, overly complicated hand-shaking men are more than happy to trade off their own personal freedom just to be in a relationship with any random idiot that they meet after seven shots of moose juice and then convince themselves that it is a healthy, right and loving union that should be celebrated by church and state. I say stay living single, seeing double, and sleeping triple until you find someone that you actually love... and who knows how to give a decent hummer underneath the turntables when you're scratching records.
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Ah. That’s an interesting phenomenon you’ve touched upon. I’m sure there are many prevalent theories in today’s over-analyzed society, but I’m going to discuss just one: Lookalikeitis. Lookalikeitis is the strange occurrence that can happen when a couple is together past the time that the fates have pre-determined. It shows itself when the physical attributes of each member of the couple begin to morph to a like state. This can be seen most commonly in grandparents and older couples, with a strong concentration in Florida. How Lookalikeitis affects a couple’s sex life is caused by the lessening of the sex drive as each member of couple begins to realize that the person on the other side of the bed could be replaced by a mirror, or by taking the job into their own hands. This idea grows as the realization that a mirror (or oneself) takes up less room in bed, doesn’t snore, doesn’t fart, and generally likes to do the same things before going to bed. Soon, twin beds are moved into the bedroom. A bigger house is built to accommodate the need for separate bedrooms. It’s a terrible, terrible thing. The only cure is to recognize the pre-determined length of time assigned to your relationship. I believe the most recent records can be found in your town’s city hall, down the stairs that collapsed in 1974, past the lion, and in the third drawer on the left behind the wasp’s nest. Good luck.
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