Bruce vs. Jackie vs. Jet vs. Ray
as answered by Joel, Kerri, Kenny, & Janet
June 9, 2003
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Who would win in a real fight: Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, or Ray Parks?
Sincerely,
Kung Fool
[Real name withheld by request. - Ed.]
Dear Fool:
I think that if they were fighting over who the best TV weather personality in history was, Jet Li would definitely win; he loves Al Roker almost as much as I do.
Joel Why, Curious Staff Writer
Dear Fool:
My answer: Jet Li
How I got there...
Bruce Lee: Yeah, cool guy, but he's kinda dead. Easy to beat a dead guy. He loses in the first round.
Ray Park: Not quite so cool, and not Asian. He may learn well, but he's missing the genetics. Plus, I have seen X-Men 2, but he was lame in X-Men 1.
Jackie Chan: I know. How can I think Jackie Chan wouldn't win? He's Jackie Chan! Yes, but Jackie Chan is the good guy. He has never played a bad guy, and has publicly said he doesn't want to have that image. And I hate to say it, but the good guy doesn't always win. A bad guy will fight dirty. A good guy will always fight gentlemanly. Look at the recent American Film Institute's 100 Years, 100 Heroes and Villains. Number one hero: Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. Number one villain: Hannibal Lector. Who would win in that fight, huh? Please. (Though on that tangent, how cool would a face off between James Bond (#3 hero) and Darth Vader (#3 villain) be??)
The Winner: Jet Li. He's cool, he's good, he's bad.
Kerri Skarfe, Otherworldly Staff Writer
Dear Fool:
A real fight would come down to Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Ray Park wouldn’t have his lightsaber, and Bruce Lee, well, Bruce is dead. Between the remaining two, I’d put my money of Jackie. Although he’s getting up in the years, all those stunts he’s pulled off make him adaptable in any environment. And besides, I still haven’t forgiven Jet Li for those movies with DMX. Come to think of it though, I’m not too fond of Jackie with Jennifer Love Hewitt in The Tuxedo either. I think I’ll go with Sammo Hung.
Who made that list anyways?
Kenny Hamshaw, Caucassianal Staff Writer
Dear Fool:
Contenders:
- At the moment, Bruce Lee is dead, and although zombies have proven to be pretty ruthless opponents I don't think anyone has resurrected the man yet. His rotting corpse would probably provide little challenge.
- If you're talking physical prowess, Jackie Chan is a flexible, bouncey chap but he seems to be more adept at flipping and ducking than actually causing someone harm. If you're talking comic ability, I think Bruce Lee's rotting corpse would get a bigger chuckle.
- Jet Li once fought himself and won. And lost. In effect, he cancelled himself out. Jet Li is neither a winner nor a loser. He just...is.
- Although Ray Park holds a second degree black belt in Wushu, many describe him as "mild-mannered" and "soft-spoken." However, this is the guy best known as Darth Maul. You don't dabble in that dark side stuff, make-believe or not, without tapping into something a bit sinister.
Verdict:
Ray Park. And after he kicked your ass, he'd probably politely thank you for the experience.
Janet Choi, Sweet and Sour Editor
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