How Do We Feel About Canadians?
as answered by Doug, Lisa, Lori, & Joel
June 2, 2003
[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]
Dear Newmoanyeah:
 Hey folks.
Just want to know your stance on Canadians.
Sincerely,
TheFreak
[Real name withheld by request. - Ed.]
Dear TheFreak:
I used to work in a restaurant very near the Canadian border and I've run into plenty of jerky Montrealers on day-trips. The bad ones are snooty, rude, and at least 25 degrees behind the fashion curve. The good ones are all like Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Doug Mahoney, I-Like-Bungle Editor
Hey Freaky,
I feel like perhaps I am the inspiration for this question. Partly because I have written about Canadia in the past, and partly because I think most things are about me. Me me me.
To recap my old article, overall I'm pro Canada. I am thankful to the Canooks for Alanis and Montreal and Margaret Atwood; I appreciate that they've never attacked our long, undefended border, the guys are way hot, and their casual level-headedness made Americans look like murderous psychopaths in Bowling for Columbine, which was cool. However, I am not so thankful for Tom Green and the way they call hats 'tooks' but spell it 'toques.' And even their low low prices doesn't stop their accent and constant cheeriness from irking me somehow, eh?
As for the Belgians, don't get me started on them.
Lisa Turner, Groovalicious Editor
Dear TheFreak:
Canadians. They're sooooooo nice. Eh! REALLY nice! Eh! I am talking super duper mind-bogglingly nice! EH! Sometimes they're so pathologically nice, it's scary, but I encourage you to make lots of Canadian friends - it's good to have nice friends for a change! EH! Plus, it's very fun to play, "Find the maple leaf!" with them. EH!
Lori Shea, Smoof Like Butta(fly) Staff Writer
Dear TheFreak:
Canadians make for the best fertilizer.
Joel Why, Curious Staff Writer
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