Often when a couple or two friends walk into a video rental store, they will stay there for the rest of the day, trying to figure out what to rent. The difficulty in choosing is like buying pants that a fat and skinny person has to agree on. Other than the size, it doesn't matter that they have similar taste in pants. It's always "I already have a pair of these," "I don't like Kubrick pants," or "It makes me look fat."

Usually the easiest and most natural way to choose a film is to have a martini party there and see which video you wake up next to the following morning. But what if you find yourself in bed with two movies to choose from? Here it is in 3 easy steps:

1. Forget that you got drunk in a Blockbuster.
2. Forget that you had a threesome with two video cassettes.
3. Have the movies duke it out. For example:

13 Conversations About One Thing	Halloween: Resurrection
It's a diagram on happiness through human bickering. Characters with various takes on life learn how chance plays into their reasoning. Their stories are woven together through tribulations where they either sink into despair or realize the hope for happiness and second chances. It's a darkly-presented feel-good movie.	This legacy of cult horror icons that irrationally don't die is brought into the millennium with the gimmickal use of reality TV and the internet. Kids are hired to spend the night in Halloween Guy's old home which is rigged with surveillance cameras for internet broadcasting. But none of this matters -- Tyra Banks is in some of it. But even better is that the key role is played by Thomas Ian Nicholas (the furry headed guy from American Pie and Rookie of the Year). He's a key role in that him just being there makes it a comedy. Film Makers use him as a personified sight gag like Carrot Top without the make up. But this isn't the most betterer part. What's mostly betterest is that Busta Rhymes is in it. If you ever wondered what Busta Rhymes was like without the silly clothes and testosterone driven hype rap, he's just the love child of Don King and a wrestler. Or Mr. T's cooler brother. But instead of saying "foo" he says "motherfucker." Mr. Rhymes's character goes through the exact same motions LL Cool J's character does from the Halloween movie before: a man with a dream seems to get killed by Halloween Guy, but is surprisingly alive and well as he saves the day. "[Halloween Guy's] weakness is sick rhymes," fellow writer Jonathan Mason noted, "[uhm, like] that [Halloween Guy] should just make a mask of Steven Segal so rappers would work with him and not against him. [That was a reference to Segal's latest movie, Half Past Dead, which co-starred Ja Rule and Kurupt. They're the only names in the credits that sound like an angry baby made up.]" If not in the bargain bin, this movie can be listed under "big budget b movie."
Strengths
Every word is crucial to the movie and every other sentence belongs in a fortune cookie. This makes you want to see it again, and not because of some crazy twist at the end or hidden clues to refer back to. The only "hidden" things were optional for taking home: the visual symbolisms -- from hearts that bleed to a prisoner's reflection articulating someone else's feelings-and the little ironies dissolved into the dialogue. From the words to the sound and colors, the movie seemed to be assembled with motherly care, the artistry of a carpenter, the tip toes of a hooker, the kitchiness of an Avon salesperson, and the innocence of an angst ridden teen. I don't get it either. Just know that it's Summer's Eve for the soul.	It's such a shitty movie. It's technically, writingly, and actingly so wrong it's so good.
Weaknesses
With all that said, it's a dialoguousicalishesque film of talking heads. But if you look at it more as a design, like a pie chart in 4d diagramming the filmmaker's point, then it's fine. It also uses the gimmick of intertwining stories of seemingly unrelated characters, but this tool is used subtly for part of this design and not really to provoke in-your-face storyline shock coolness like its innovators. The characters are archetypal, but it's amusing when you can associate them to people you know or identify with one yourself. The pacing is incredibly steady, and if the movie begins to bore you, it will turn into something you have to sit through instead of something to sit back and take in. If you find it not so fresh feeling, then this somewhat preachy movie is not your thing.	It's such a shitty movie. It's technically, writingly, and actingly so wrong it's so bad. Also, if you look in imdb.com, it says Hall8ween was a working title.

And the Fight
Video cassette tapes really can't fight each other, so them duking it out is really just you clapping them together like erasers after school or wooden blocks in music class. Really, learning institutions use the clapping motion for punishment. Growing up with that negative reinforcement made me hurt inside whenever I applauded someone. That's why I do the air punch instead.

And the Winner
Well, Halloween: Resurrection did have some boobs in it. Just two. They always come in pairs so it'd actually be more impressive if only one appeared. And if less is truly more, then 13 Conversations About One Thing comes out on top, as this round's boobless victor.