There are numerous differences between New York City, my former home, and Southern California, my current home: skyline, air quality, attire, accents, breast implants... But one of the biggest noticeable differences is transportation. In NYC, residents rely on the Metropolitan Transit Authority to take them where they want to go. In SoCal, if you don't have a car and you want to travel more than 10 miles, you're screwed.

So, after 4.5 years of NYC public transportation, I now have a car and, despite being unemployed, drive almost daily. I tell you, I've seen some major disasters on the road, and I don't mean fender benders.

Acura NSX
This is not so much ugly as it is unsexy. I make the distinction because I know that the vast majority of its owners are male who think this is one impressive ride. If you live in Vegas, aspire to be Vin Diesel, and date a stripper, sure. Otherwise, any woman with taste would laugh you off the road.

Cadillac Escalade EXT, AKA Chevy Avalanche (see also: Subaru Baja)
It's one of those hybrids, but instead of combining gasoline and electricity, GM has combined an SUV with a pickup. This is how Cadillac describes the vehicle: "We took Escalade, the world's most powerful SUV, and genetically altered its DNA to produce a sibling. It's like nothing you've ever seen." And nothing you want to see. I don't like it when people try to play God, be it by cloning sheep or designing one fugly hybrid car.

Chrysler PT Cruiser
"It's the nostalgic, yet contemporary design that turns your head..." and your stomach. It actually reminds me of London's black cabs, which you think would endear it to me, a die-hard Anglophile. The problem is the PT Cruiser is not in London, and it even has the audacity to sometimes be purple.

Hummer H2
You're joking, right? It's a life-sized Tonka truck, for crying out loud.

Pontiac Aztek
Another crummy hybrid. This time, Pontiac has combined a hatchback, which alone is ugly enough, with an SUV. What did I say about playing God?

Toyota Echo
The line of ascent from front to back is a disturbing vision of automotive submission. Maybe it's just me, but if you look at it from a certain angle... the Echo looks like it's waiting to get it up the ass.

Volkswagen Beetle
The big Cracker Jack toy was cute when it was first unveiled in 1998. It is now the automotive equivalent of the flannel shirt.