For those of you who didn't finish your shopping on Dec 26, 2001 or the day after Thanksgiving here are a few helpful tips to save your sanity.

No Body Slamming Allowed This Year
Don't grab, push, shove, or use any other kind of bodily force against another person. Now I believe this is allowed in Filene's Basement, but everywhere else it usually results in calling mall security. I don't think we're going to have a mass panic for any particular toy this year, so I don't think we're going to be making the nightly news.

Manners
Most of you have them so please use them. If you're not familiar with this concept, we will go over it quickly. See #1 for starters. Use "please" and "thank you" in your sentences (especially if you want the nice clerk to help you) and let the other guy have the damn parking spot for once!

Remember That Movie Clerks?
Be very nice to the sales associates. Remember those manners!!! Yeah, you been shopping for four hours and your feet hurt. Guess what? They will probably be working a lot longer than you will be shopping, and the more you piss them off the less likely they are to help you find what you need, get you a box, wrap your item and so on. They don't care that your six year old will have a hissy fit if she doesn't get the Barbie Rapunzel doll or that you have to have the Tommy shirt in an XL. It's just their job and they hate customers this time of year. It's hard to be perky for what feels like 20 hours straight.

I hate rude customers!!! I hate them with a passion, I hope they get a flat on the way home and have to walk 20 miles in the snow!! They piss me off and everyone else. But the best part is we all make fun of them after they leave. You make a scene at a store and everyone is watching you so then you look like a real dork and probably someone you know will see you. Kinda like when you give someone the finger in traffic and later find out it was someone you know.

I need to make a return...

Keep Those Receipts
At this time of year with holiday sales you think they are going to give you cash back and the full amount you paid? GET REAL! Don't buy stuff and then change your mind. If you are an impulse buyer then make a list for pete's sake! Geez, you buy something and bring it back within an hour? This goes back to pissing off the store clerks. You're wasting everyone's time.

Mommy, Can We Go See Santa?
Do not mix Christmas shopping and children. Get a baby sitter and leave them at home! Whiny Brats rank right behind Rude Shoppers. I have seen kids throw a fit in the store because they didn't get what they wanted. Meanwhile, Mother is buying the item in question as we speak. Spoiled brat, Mom shouldn't even get it for them now!

Ho Ho Ho
Leave Santa alone when he's going for a break. Santa, the Elves and Mrs. Claus have long hours, too, and if they are on their way out of Santa Land, don't harass them. I can see it on the front page of The Enquirer: "Santa Punches Teenager, Gets 6 Months Community Service"

Final Thoughts
Be Good, Be Kind and Be Merry. No matter what faith you practice this is a season for sharing, caring and all that mushy stuff. So remember the Golden Rule and try to enjoy the season..

Jingle Jenn