Just Some Observations
In looking back at the polls we've run so far, there are a number of observations I'd like to make... quite possibly about the readers of newmoanyeah. The again, these observations will clearly be reflective of me, so I guess I should throw e-stones in glass-websites.

Onward!

Who would win in a drunken bar fight?
Who would win amongst Bill Gates, Triumph the Dog, Angelina Jolie, Bootsy Collins, and R2D2? Well clearly, no one thought Mr. Gates had a shot in Hell. Now, if this were a poll about worst haircuts...

That a number of people commented that Ms. Jolie would probably be an ugly drunk and that Bootsy is just plain old crazy would probably explain their good showings in the poll. And that more people didn't disqualify R2 on the fact that he probably can't get drunk concerns me. Maybe people thought he had an advantage with that electro-shocky thing.

As of today, Triumph remains victorious in all his insult glory. Me? I thought he'd be the first to get his ass kicked because of his yap. Go contribute to the chaos.

With whom would you most want to play strip poker?
Okay, you sickos... who voted for Palpatine? Just imagine his wrinkly ass naked! And geez, don't you think he could use some Jedi mind-trick on you to make you into a big loser?

Speaking of big losers, Lara Croft and Pierce Brosnan actually received FEWER votes than the Emperor. Sheesh! Despite his high fair share of the votes, Mulder may technically make the list of losers as some people chose him simply because they thought he'd be bad at poker.

Now here's the bizarre thing... I thought Lolita Kournikova would've won this in a landslide. However, y'all proved me wrong by letting me know there's actually a large population of people with Wonder Woman fetishes. Go figure.

Pick a snake.
People shied away from the snake of Eden. Mmmm... original sin... or something.

We must not have too many PlayStation fans here since Solid Snake basically stank up the poll. Maybe after Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance hits the Xbox his numbers will improve.

No comments about Jake "The Snake" or Snake Plisskin. However, I would like to note that the good ole penis came in second to GI Joe's favorite ninja, Snake-Eyes. Go flip out.

Which is the trashiest?
Man. This was a landslide of Biblical proportions.

Christina Aguilera's 2002 MTV VMA outfit was so trashy (how trashy was it?) that I shouldn't even have bothered to include any other options. The cutesy selections from yesteryear simply didn't have a chance. Heck, even the greatest of my pop-culture minions had difficulties recalling the great Madam Trash Heap!

I would like to note that a number of readers managed to pick-up on the "garbage mashers" Star Wars reference. Go to hyperspace.

Which team would win in a "three-legged" race?
I REALLY tried to make this a fair poll. I figured the Flash being paired with a cripple (I know Professor X is walking again, just play along) would have made them slow enough for the rest of the field. Little did I know that the king of kung fu teamed with a former porn superstar would win the race with plenty of time to spare.

I thought the know-it-all wiz-natch Hermione would have been able to combine her magicallity with Greedo's criminal craftiness despite the language barrier. Maybe people thought I meant DEAD Greedo. Still...

Lastly, I thought pairing two sporty types like Tony Hawk and Peppermint Patty together was a good thing. My girlfriend explained to me that the problem was Patty's legs were too short. Gooooo team!

Whose body is most abnormal?
Hmm... another case of "little did I know."

He-Man is just shaped funny... even for a cartoon. Smurfette is three-apples-high, blue, and has a tail. Manute Bol is 7'7" tall and weighs less than an Ewok. But through it all, Jennifer Love Hewitt won out due to her unnatural skinniness and bustiness. But wait, isn't Barbie also unnaturally skinny and busty? Ah, I see... Hewitt's a REAL person.

I'd also just like to state my concern that Dirk Diggler had no votes for quite some time. Is there something I should know? Go go gadget one-eyed snake!

Who looks the best in shiny black leather/vinyl?
This is easily the tightest race we've had so far.

I'm just glad to see local girl Eliza Dushku hanging in with the tough competition of Trinity, Darth Vader, KISS, and poll-leader Catwoman.

Actually, I'd also like to say I'm disappointed that Vader isn't doing so well comparitively. Maybe he's just not shiny enough. Go wax-on, wax-off.