This week, scientists announced the world's most effective pick-up line and the Earth's population swooned.

"Hey baby." the rosy cheeked chief director of the study announced, "Are you heavy? Because I'd like to pick you up."

Tests were administered in various locations around the world by Dr. Mark H. Lovestrange. "Of the three thousand test subjects," the chief director announced, "I slept with a jillion. One point three percent of them being twins."

Elements of Effectiveness
Always use a well thought out introduction like "Yo" or "Hey baby."

Start with a question like "Are those stilettos you're wearing?" and end with a witty remark before she can answer, like "Because I could see myself in them."

Women seem to respond to conversations about their looks. "I start with her weight, then go from there," Dr. Lovestrange announced.

And knowing that she is a hooker increases chances dramatically. "Hookers seem to be the quickest to swoon when you offer them money."

The winning pick-up line contained all of these elements.

Stats
The pick-up lines that include what instruments and trees one would be were indeed found unequal. "The instrument with the most sexual innuendos is surprisingly the harmonica." Lovestrange announced, "Giant Redwoods scored the highest with pick-up lines that involved trees."

The most responsive women were drunk southern Germans, who were also catatonic.

The runner up of this study was "Are you a McDonald's coffee? Because you've got my lap burning."

And the least popular of these lines were "My, you resemble someone pretty tonight," and "So, do you see me following you often?"

Final Announcement
"Not only does it burn when I urinate," Dr. Mark H. Lovestrange quipped in an announcing fashion, "but I've also noticed a burning sensation when I bloody do anything!"

He was a British scientist.