Waiting for Spring
"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball," Hall of Famer Rogers Hornsby once said. "I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." Entirely too true, especially if you're a Red Sox fan, and your winter's starting a month earlier than you expected, and the last time your team won a World Series Paul Revere threw out the first pitch, and I'm not gonna start crying. I'm really not. It's the onions. No, YOU'RE crying.

But then we're not alone. Except for the followers of a select few teams, baseball fans across the country are staring into the long, dark tunnel to next year. So what do we do? Seethe away in our deep-seated disappointment? Devote ourselves to planning next year's pointless yet engrossing fantasy league team? Find something useful to do with our box score addled lives? The answers, in order: not yet, okay maybe, and absolutely not. Silly rabbits, we find a bandwagon team to root for instead of our own.

Now, technically, jumping on a bandwagon means acting like you've been rooting for the team most likely to win all along. What a tawdry waste of rooting energy. The whole point of rooting for a team is feeling like you're contributing valuable emotional and psychic resources to the vast reservoir of karma needed to push a team to a championship. So rooting for the team that's going to win anyway is pointless. It's like Aquaman joining the Justice League when they've already got Superman. "You can hold your breath underwater how long? And I see those are humpback whales you're juggling. That's okay, I think I'll head down to Long John Silver's instead."

No, the principled bandwagoner roots for a team that truly needs the extra boost. A team that's likable enough to follow for three or four weeks, but not one so likable that you'll be tempted away from your true team, even if it rewards your conditional loyalty by winning it all. It's a tricky balance to strike, so to help newmoanyeah readers make an informed decision, we're providing a bandwagon potential rating for each of the teams in this year's playoffs.

ANAHEIM ANGELS
Pros: Would render the "I'm going to Disney World" speech by the World Series MVP ironically redundant, since Disney owns the Angels. No big-time stars means they win by doing the little things well, which is refreshing in a Home Run Derby world.

Cons: It's hard to root for a team whose own fans are so blasé/unskilled in the ways of rooting. Plus, I worked in a movie theater when Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame came out, and I'm still bitter.

BPR (scale of one to ten): 4

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Pros: We all still owe them for derailing the Yankees last year. Randy Johnson pitching in last year's Game 7 with no rest after pitching seven innings in Game 6 ranks as one of the great "No he didn't" baseball moments of the last ten years.

Cons: Technically in violation of "team likely to win anyway" rule as defending champs.

BPR: 5.5

ATLANTA BRAVES
Pros: If they finally won another World Series, they might just go away. My grandmother's a Braves fan. It would really annoy fellow newmoanyeah staffer Jay Mastaitis.

Cons: The tomahawk chant. They've already had their chances, and squandered them. The Buffalo Bills would stop returning phone calls from Braves players. Bandwagon status may necessitate purchase of Skoal (spittoon optional).

BPR: 2.5

MINNESOTA TWINS
Pros: The little team that could. Major League Baseball wanted to contract them this winter because they lacked the fan support to be competitive, which means if they win Bud Selig will have to admit he's an idiot. A team chock full of young players who might surprise themselves by being better than they even thought they were (a.k.a. the Sarah Hughes Effect). Extreme underdog status would make for headiest of all possible bandwagon trips if they pull it off.

Cons: Owner Carl Pohlad is a jerk. They play in one of the uglier stadiums in the major leagues, with Astroturf, no less. Watching them win might make you wonder why you're team couldn't do that. Extreme underdog status could lead to distressingly brief bandwagon trip (limit one bandwagon team per postseason), producing an extra two weeks of winter you were trying to avoid.

BPR: 8

NEW YORK YANKEES
Pros: Next.

Cons: You're kidding, right? As if their collection of "yeah, we deserve it" players isn't bad enough, their "yeah, we deserve it" fans are even worse. Conditions of bandwagon status include granting Roger Clemens and David Wells unlimited access to your refrigerator for a year. Also, Derek Jeter gets to date your sister. Isn't there something about pinstripes in the Book of Revelations?

BPR: -26

OAKLAND A'S
Pros: Have been knocking on the door for two years, and may be ready to take the next step. It would be undeniably delicious if they won after former MVP Jason Giambi left to go to the Yankees. Giambi: "Awww, c'mon, can't I at least look at your championship ring?" Former A's teammate: "Hmmmm... no."

Cons: See Anaheim entry regarding lameness of pre-existing A's fans; if they win a World Series in Oakland, does it make a sound? Their exceptional young pitching means that in three short years they may be irritating in a "1990's Braves" kind of way.

BPR: 6

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Pros: The team has had to deal with the shocking death of pitcher Darryl Kile, and the passing of radio announcer/local institution Jack Buck. Winning would add "sweet" to bittersweet season. St. Louis is one of the three best baseball cities in the country, so you'd be in good company on the bandwagon.

Cons: Combination of strong tradition and exciting players may tempt you away from your own team. Their manager has been known to introduce himself as "Tony LaRussa, soooooooper geeeenius."

BPR: 8.5

SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS
Pros: The Giants have gone the longest of all playoff teams since winning a World Series; some guy named Mays came through for them in '54 when they were still in New York. The most exciting baseball this year has been on the West Coast, and San Francisco has the least objectionable (that is, most committed) West Coast fan base. Pac Bell Park may be the nicest of this year's postseason stadiums.

Cons: Considering he may be one of the five best players ever, Barry Bonds is surprisingly easy to dislike. Example: he has occasionally had to be physically restrained from attacking his most productive teammate in the dugout. Can you feel the love in this room?

BPR: 5