[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]

Dear Newmoanyeah:

I'm a geek. (I can tell because I like almost everything that newmoanyeah.com covers.)

But my girlfriend isn't.

What should I get her for Christmas?

Sincerely,
Ima Hugh Gdork
[Real name withheld by request. - Ed.]

Vibrating lightsaber.

Manolo Moreno, A Non-Ukranian Staff Writer

Boy, you've got quite the imagination on you. "Girlfriend"? Haha. Does she by any chance look like this?

Please. Stop wasting my time. Geeks don't have girlfriends.

Janet Choi, Sweet & Sour Editor

How about a "7 of 9" costume she can wear to bed? All chicks dig that.

Uhhmm, or you could just get her a new boyfriend. Sounds to me like she'd love that even more.

Joel Why, Curious Staff Writer

Trust me, I am a professional (13 years in retail in a Hallmark/Gift Store). I have about 10 guys ask me this question every night during the holiday season.

What does she like???
Now if you can't answer this, then you two are just seeing each other for the sex. Get her a stupid stuff bear and some nice diamond earrings or a bracelet.

Now what?
Now if you know what she likes, what the hell are you doing asking some chick at the mall? Go buy it. Or, if you're not sure, the Gift Certificate is always a good back up. But, you'd better give her something else so she has at least one gift to open.

The gift that keeps on giving.
Do not buy puppies, kitties, or anything else that has to been taken care of unless she asked for it and you're willing to clean up after it.

Do not buy clothes if you don't know her size (especially bras and any lingerie)! You're better off with a gift certificate for Vickies and, say, a bottle of her favorite perfume.

Good Luck, and don't get her something you're going to end up regretting the rest of the year.

Jingle Jenn Saylor, Comic Conventional Staff Writer