Poop Stuck to Cat's Butt
as answered by Janet, Kenny, Kerri, & Joel
October 26, 2002
[REDUNDANT WARNING! The advice seen here is for entertainment purposes only! Newmoanyeah will not be held liable for anything. Got it? Good.]
Dear Newmoanyeah:
 How do I get my cat to keep his poo in the litterbox?
It gets stuck to his hole and falls off onto the floor.
Help!
Sincerely,
Pooh McAdoo
[Real name withheld by request. - Ed.]
Dear Pooh:
The solution is obvious, my friend: get rid of it. Why do you even own a cat? Are you a 40 yr old spinster? A shut-in with no friends? You must be really dull. Maybe just stupid? I know your cat is. It can't even wipe its own freakin' hole.
Janet Choi, Sweet & Sour Staff Writer
Dear Pooh:
That all depends on your financial situation. If you're rich, hire someone to clean up and follow the cat around with wet wipes.
Otherwise, go get yourself a hair-buzzer and shave your cat's ass. Now that you have a cat with a baboon's ass (you can even paint it red), nothing will get stuck in his hairs!
Kenny Hamshaw, Caucassianal Staff Writer
Dear Pooh:
First, you need to analyze your situation. Is the poo sticking to the hole or is it sticking to the fur around the hole? My thought is that it's probably the latter. In that case, there's only one thing to do: you must shave the hole.
Doing this isn't as hard as it sounds. It's a lot like creating a very small crop-circle. I do not recommend using an electric razor... you might end up with a face full of poo when you switch it on. A Venus razor or another type with good head flexibility is best. I recommend a soothing shaving cream... maybe lavender scented. Introduce the shaving cream to the fur around the hole thoroughly. Shave in a circular pattern, being careful to avoid the hole, because a sliced hole will result in uncomfortableness, howling, and large vet bills. Shave until a one-inch, no-hair buffer zone is created.
I recommend attempting this only under certain conditions: 1. With a friend; 2. While wearing full catcher's gear; or 3. When your cat is unconscious.
Good luck.
Kerri Skarfe, Otherworldly Staff Writer
Dear Pooh:
Have you considered duct-taping the hole shut? Seems to me like that's the obvious solution...
Joel Why, Curious Staff Writer |
